I'm So Exhausted

Last night, Justin and I agreed that the swelling over Lexie’s right eye may have worsened a bit (I photographed her from the left side so you could see how far her right eye incision is bulging out).  Neither of us was very concerned, as we thought she possibly just bonked her head while we were at work, but we thought it might be a good idea to call MedVet anyway.  After all, last Saturday, when a woman from MedVet called to check on Lexie, I mentioned to her that I noticed a tinge of blood in Lexie’s stool that day, and she told me to discontinue Lexie’s anti-inflammatory medication, as that can sometimes cause bowel irritation.  So, Lexie hasn’t been taking her anti-inflammatory medication since last Saturday, and I thought that maybe they would just prescribe her a different kind of anti-inflammatory once I told them that the swelling in her eye had gotten a little worse.

The woman I spoke to last night, Julie, asked me all sorts of questions:  How has Lexie’s appetite been?  Is she drinking water?  Is she going to the bathroom regularly?  How is her mood?  I was able to answer all of these questions with either “good” or “yes.”  Then, Julie asked if the swollen skin around Lexie’s right eye was warm or tender to the touch.  I put her on hold as I felt Lexie’s eye, but I couldn’t really feel a difference in temperature between her right and left eye, and she didn’t act like it bothered her when I touched it.  Then, Julie asked me to take a couple of pictures of Lexie’s eye, email the photos to Dr. Kennedy, Lexie’s soft tissue surgeon, take Lexie’s temperature (note to self: NEVER use the digital Walgreens thermometer EVER again!), and then call her back.

After following Julie’s instructions (Lexie’s temperature was 101.2, which is in the normal range for a dog), she contacted Dr. Kennedy, who reviewed the photos I sent him.  He said it looks like it could just be a seroma, which is normal.  However, if the swollen area becomes tender, if we notice a discharge that looks more like frank blood and not bloody fluid, if there is an odor, or if the discharge looks like pus then we are to bring Lexie back to MedVet because it could be an abscess.

Greeeeeaaaaat. 

 All I could do for the rest of the night was stare at Lexie’s swollen eye.  I went to bed in tears over the possibility of having to take her back to MedVet. 

This morning, the swelling didn’t look any better.  Then, after Lexie bumped her face on the steps while coming back inside after going outside to pee, I noticed a little bit of blood (not bloody fluid) coming from the swollen part of her eye.  I've also noticed that Lou's appetite seems to be diminishing, although Justin thinks she’s just becoming picky because we made the mistake of feeding her a lot of table food when she first came home.  At first, she would eat both table food and dog food, then she stopped eating her dog food, and now she’s even becoming a little picky about table food.  I used to put her medication inside little balls of bread, which she loved, but now she turns her nose every time I offer her the same bread.  Then, I started putting her medication inside these organic peanut butter treats our friends, Zoltan and Sarah, made for her, which Lexie also loved at first, but now she no longer seems interested in them.  This morning, the only way I could get her to take her medication was to put the pills inside rolled up slices of cheese, and even then I felt like I was making her eat them.  Not only that, but she looked kind of shaky and unsteady on her feet while she was walking around this morning (all the more reason for me to worry about her while I’m at work today).

I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take.  My life has basically been CONSUMED with worrying and taking care of Lexie ever since she first became sick at the beginning of June.  In fact, I feel like I no longer have a life of my own. 

I have a large, close group of friends, whom I love.  We would all hang out at least a couple times a week and on the weekends, and when we weren’t hanging out, we would all keep in touch daily via social networking and text messaging.  However, I can’t tell you the last time I sent someone a text or posted anything on Facebook or Twitter that wasn’t Lexie-related.  For that reason, I haven’t really texted anyone or tweeted in a long time because I feel like I’m just wearing everyone out with Lexie stuff at this point, and yet there’s honestly nothing more important to me right now, which is why I can’t even think of anything else to talk about.  I have also turned down several invites to various cook-outs and other random opportunities to hang out because I needed to stay home and take care of Lexie.  I have made time to hang out with my friends on a few occasions over the last couple of weeks, but whenever I do, I feel like I literally have to bite my tongue to keep myself from talking about Lou all night, and I just worry about her the whole time anyway. 

I’ve also fallen behind with my photo editing (I’m a photographer on the side) because of all my trips to Ohio and now having to watch Lexie like a hawk, and my house is a complete wreck for the same reasons.  Justin and I haven’t done anything fun or spent any quality time together since June, either.  Our lives and conversations revolve solely around Lexie.  We’ve got a big beach trip with our friends coming up at the end of August, which normally I’d be super excited about, but this year I’m almost dreading it because I know I’ll just be worrying about Lexie the whole time (she’s going to be staying with Justin’s parents, and she’s not very familiar with them or their house).  Not to mention the fact that I’m the type of person who eats her feelings, so let’s just say that I’m not exactly feeling “bikini-ready” at the moment (all of my work pants are fitting kind of snug lately, which makes me feel awesome.)  In general, I really miss what my life was like before June, 2012. 

With that said, please do not take this little rant to mean that I regret even one single minute of the time I’ve spent taking care of my Lou, because I don’t…at all!  I’m just venting, basically, because I do miss my friends, I do miss having fun, I do miss doing “couple things” with Justin, I do miss not worrying about Lexie 24/7, I do miss feeling comfortable in my clothes, I do miss having at least a little bit of spending money, and I do miss feeling like I’m more on top of things like housework, editing, bills, etc.    

I just want things to feel normal again, but now that I’m sitting here wondering if I’ll be taking Lexie BACK to MedVet soon, it just makes me feel like this TRULY is never going to end. 

Aaaand Back to the ER

I was right, Lexie must have busted some of her stitches earlier, and throughout the course of the day the rest of the stitches must have just worked themselves out, too, because around 10:00 p.m. I discovered that her incision was completely open.  Not busted wide open or anything like that, but it was obvious the incision wasn't being held together tightly and none of the stitches were visible at all anymore.

So, my only option was to rush her to our local Animal ER, and let me tell you, I am NOT happy with that place right now.  I called ahead to let them know we were coming.  Then, as soon as we walked in, I saw a puddle of pee on the floor with a yellow Caution sign sitting next to it (the puddle dried in the amount of time we were there, by the way, and no one ever even moved the sign, let alone mopped the floor).  Then, I told the girl behind the counter who we were, what was going on, and even told her I was freaking out a little.  She handed me a form and told me to fill it out, then she disappeared into the back somewhere for about....oh....I'd say at least twenty minutes!  For twenty minutes, my Lou sat in the waiting room just bleeding from her right eye while I nervously and angrily tapped my nails on the counter waiting for someone to come back and help us.

Finally, a different girl emerged from the back, but I don't even think she was going to help us until I said, "Excuse me, but I would feel MUCH better if someone would at least come take my dog."  Her reply?  "What's wrong with her?"  Unbelievable.

Well, that second girl did take Lexie to the back for me, but then we didn't see another employee for the next half hour or so, not even at the front desk!  Finally, a vet (at least, I hope she was an actual vet) called us into a room.  She said she already knew a little bit about Lexie's case because Dr. Ellis had called the Animal ER last Friday to see if they had plasma after Lexie's blood wouldn't clot.  She asked me if Lexie had any problems during her second surgery at MedVet, and I told her she didn't.  However, I added that we never really found out for sure if Lexie has Von Willenbrand's disease.

I guess for that reason, this vet said that she "didn't want to do anything that might cause all that to start up again," and told me she was going to put some ointment on Lexie's wound and then put a patch on it.  A PATCH!  I asked if she could at least put one or two stitches in it to close it up better, but she said that because Lou's surgery was two days ago, she'd have to re-open her wound a little in order to stitch it back up, which is exactly what she didn't want to do because she was afraid Lexie would start bleeding uncontrollably again.

So, I asked if they could at least keep Lexie overnight for observation because there's no way I'd be able to sleep tonight if I took her home with just a patch on her opened incision.  They said that was fine, so that's where Lexie is now.  I'm going to have to get up super early in order to go pick her up and take her to the Animal Care Clinic before I have to be at work at 8:30 a.m. tomorrow.

Will this ever end?????

Celebrating Red, White, and Lou!

I am so thankful that Justin and I were able to stay home with Lexie today because of the 4th of July holiday.  All of my friends are headed to a big cookout, and I have to admit that I'm starting to feel a little cooped up, but there's no way I'd leave my Lou today.

She's been sleeping most of the day because of her pain medication, but when she's awake she seems happy, despite how awful she looks.  I'm trying to keep her face clean, but it's a losing battle right now.  Her right eye is really worrying me.  I'm not a vet by any means, but it looks to me like she may have busted a stitch or two.  I tried calling MedVet, but they told me the ophthalmology department isn't in today, and Animal Care Clinic is closed today, too (i.e. the one downside to having Lexie's first day home fall on a holiday).  Yesterday, the veterinary ophthalmologist at MedVet told me that it's normal to see some bloody discharge coming from Lexie's eyes over the next several days, but right now it looks like it's just plain blood.  It's not gushing, though, and her incision doesn't look like it's bursting or anything, so I'm hoping to just wait until tomorrow morning to take her to see Dr. Ellis.  If it starts to look worse, I'll take her to the local animal ER tonight.  

The other thing that's worrying me a little is that Lexie hasn't peed all day.  She went out this morning without any problem, but she didn't pee.  For the rest of the day, anytime I've tried to let the girls out Lexie will walk to the back door, but then refuses to come outside.  The last time I tried to get her to go out, just a few minutes ago, she actually started trembling as Justin and I tried to coax her outside.  I'm not sure if it's the temperature that's making her hesitant to go out (it's almost 100-degrees today), or what.  I'm hoping she'll go tonight when it's cooled down.

In the meantime, I've decided to put Lexie's inflatable collar on her to prevent any further damage to her incisions.  (I still cannot believe she was sent home without an E-collar!)  She has been pretty good about leaving her stitches alone, but every now and then I'll catch her rubbing her face on the carpet.  I'm sure those stitches are itchy and uncomfortable, but I'd just rather be safe than sorry.  My poor Lou.  I'll be so glad when she's healed so I can stop worrying!

Surgical Complications

If you're religious, I'm asking for prayers.  If you're not religious or of some different religion/faith, I'm asking for good vibes, VERY positive thoughts, chants, or whatever you can do to help my Lou survive this surgery.

Dr. Ellis called me a little before 1:00 p.m. to tell me that there had been a complication during Lexie's enucleation procedure, and I could tell by the tone of her voice that it was serious.  She said that Lou has Von Willebrand's disease, which is a blood clotting disorder found commonly in Dobermans.  Apparently, this blood disorder can develop at any time and is not always detectable on blood tests.  According to www.petmd.com, "Typically the platelet count will be normal (unless your dog has experienced recent, massive bleeding), and coagulation tests will show normal results."

Dr. Ellis said that they were having a hard time getting Lexie's bleeding to stop, but they had called in another local veterinarian, Dr. Ayers, to start working on her.  However, Dr. Ellis did not sound hopeful and even added, "I just wanted you to be aware of what's going on because it's critical.  Lexie has lost a LOT of blood, to the point that she's becoming weak...."  She told me that they were prepared to give her a transfusion if necessary, and told me to keep my phone close by.

I was covering the front office when I received this devastating phone call, and it was all I could do to try to hold myself together because there were patients in our waiting room.  Thank goodness my boss just happened to walk up front at that time, because as soon as I saw her I said, "I'm sorry, but I need to go."  I told her what was happening, and she said it was okay for me to take off the rest of the day.

I drove straight home, still trying to hold it together, because I felt like I was going to explode, and I didn't want to do that in the tiny waiting room at Animal Care Clinic.  Besides, they were still working on Lexie, so it's not like I could go back and see her anyway.  Luckily, Justin was home on his lunch break, and as soon as I walked through the door I cried, "She's dying!" then basically just crumbled to the floor sobbing.  Justin rushed over to me and helped me sit at the bottom of our stairs, then asked what was going on.  As I was explaining the situation to him, Dr. Ellis called back.  She said that they had begun a blood transfusion and would keep me posted.


Justin, unfortunately, had to get back to work, but he managed to work it out with his employer so that he could come home and make up his hours tomorrow morning.  So, we sat on the couch for what seemed like an eternity waiting for the phone to ring again.  I was in a complete zombie state at that point, just trying to block out all thoughts until I heard back from the vet.  


Finally, Dr. Ellis called around 3:30 p.m. to say that they had given Lexie about a pint of blood, but the only way they could get the bleeding to stop was to pack the wounds.  Dr. Ellis said that she was getting ready to call the local hospitals to see if she could get this stuff (she never told me the name of it or what it is exactly) that will hopefully help Lexie's blood clot.  They are hoping that it will prevent her from bleeding again when they unpack her wounds tomorrow.  


So, that's where it all stands at this point.  Dr. Ellis said that Lexie was resting comfortably, but didn't want me to come see her because she didn't want Lou to get all worked up.  She also said that she'd try to call me with an update later tonight, probably around 10:00 p.m.

Again, I'm asking for LOTS of prayers, good vibes, magic spells, good energy, etc. to help my Lou pull through this.  She's been with me through SO much, and I simply cannot imagine my life without her in it.  At least, not yet, and not like this.