I Miss Her So Much

Last night, I told Justin that, over the years, I have randomly wondered which of my girls would be the first to go.  It's something that I have been naturally dreading and trying to prepare myself for ever since I first got Jocie 11 years ago.  I told Justin that I would try to imagine what life would be like without Sam, or what life would be like without Jocie, but any time I would start to think about what my life would be like without Lou, I just couldn't.  I literally could not imagine my life without Lexie in it.  I still can't.  I'm still in...not denial...but total disbelief. 

I pulled up some old videos last night because I wanted to replace the memories I have from these last couple of months with those from much happier times:



I would be lying if I said that Justin and I haven't already talked about getting a Doberman puppy sometime in the near future.  I wish I could tell you that I can't even bear the thought of "replacing" Lexie, but that's not true.  There is a huge void in my life now.  While I love Sam and Jocie with all my heart, they just have very different personalities. 

Jocie's a goofball and cracks me up sometimes with her weirdo behaviors (she has this whole OCD routine she performs before she eats sometimes that you just wouldn't believe), but for the most part, she's kind of a loner.  I call her my "cat-dog" because she generally likes to just keep to herself and hang out behind the couch most of the time, and she only comes out whenever she decides she wants a little attention. 

Sam is SUCH a sweetheart.  I have often referred to her as my "human dog" because I swear she feels emotions just like a human.  In fact, ever since we took Lexie yesterday, Sam's been sleeping in the laundry room, which is where she usually hides whenever there's a thunderstorm.  She also refuses to sleep on the doggy bed where Lexie last slept.  She just feels every emotion SO deeply, and she wears her heart on her little doggy sleeve.  In general, though, Sam is one of the laziest creatures you'll ever meet.  Maybe it's the coonhound in her, but all she wants to do is sprawl out on the couch, sleep, and eat.

It's Lexie's GIANT, active personality that has left such a void in my heart.  She's what made this house feel alive.  Dobermans are notorious for being demanding for affection and attention, and that's exactly what I miss about Lou.  Again, I love my Sam and my Jocie, please do not get me wrong about that, but, well, for example, when I got home from work yesterday, no one came running up to greet me.  Sam kind of lifted her head up and wagged her tail at me, and Jocie finally came out from behind the couch when I asked the girls if they had to go pee, but I missed having my Lou right there at the door waiting for me with one of her stuffed animals in her mouth, with her little nubble (tail) going a million miles a minute (we called that "nubble trouble").  Also, for some reason I prefer to sit on my living room floor whenever I watch TV sometimes and lean back against the couch, and when I did that last night I really missed how Lexie used to come over and lay down on the floor right beside me.  I will especially miss her in the winter because we used to snuggle on the floor by the fire together.

So, again, I'm not even going to pretend that my heart isn't aching for Lexie's void to be filled.  No dog will ever "replace" my Lou, of course, and part of me feels very guilty for even considering adopting another Doberman puppy so soon after Lexie's passing, but I just don't know how long my heart can survive with this huge hole in it.  I'm definitely not going to get a new pup before September, though, because I have a vacation coming up at the end of August.  So, I have over a month to really think about it, but Justin seems to agree with my reasons for wanting another Dobe and is all for the idea.

No matter what, Lexie will always be my first true Dobe love.  She stole my heart from the minute I laid eyes on her.  I'll never forget that day, either.  Chris answered an ad in the local paper for a Doberman puppy and brought her with him to pick me up from work.  As soon as he walked around the side of the car with that adorable little baby girl, I completely melted right there in the parking lot.  I even remember saying, "Oh my GOD," and my hands grasped at my heart the moment I saw her.  Yeah, she definitely had me completely wrapped around her little paw from Day One. 

Anyway, I feel like I'm just rambling now.  I guess there isn't much else to really add to this blog, I just feel almost panicked at the thought of ending it.  It's the same feeling I got last night when I purchased Lexie's urn online.  Justin and I spent a good hour or so shopping for an urn in which to keep Lexie's ashes.  (I paid to have a private cremation for her so that I could keep her ashes.  I plan to put some of her cremains with Chris' ashes, which I will be scattering someday, per Chris' wishes.)  We chose an urn that basically looks like a double picture frame, but there is a box behind the main frame for her ashes.  We were happy with our choice and I added it to the online shopping cart, but just before I clicked "Purchase," I had a moment of panic.  I looked at Justin and said tearfully, "I don't want to buy Lexie an urn."  What I meant, of course, was just that I wanted her to still be alive, but Justin understood exactly what I meant.

So, as I said, that's the way I'm feeling right now in regard to ending this blog.  In a way, this feels like another big, heartbreaking good-bye.  I have "met" so many wonderful, caring, and amazing people because of this experience, and it warms my heart that so many of you have told me that you feel like you knew Lexie, despite having never met her, because of this blog.  It saddens me in ways that I can't even express in words that this is all now coming to an end.  I hope you all know how much your support and encouragement have meant to me.  Your kindness and generosity have changed my life forever. 

In fact, after I post this final blog, I will be heading over to the Special Needs Dobermans website to set up a monthly donation.  It won't be much right now, as I am currently thousands of dollars in debt over Lexie's medical expenses, but I know from personal experience that even a $5 donation can help save a Dobe in need.  So, for the rest of my life, I will be donating at least $5 per month (more when or if I ever have more to give) in Lexie's name to this and possibly other organizations who help people in need pay for their beloved pet's medical expenses.  I highly encourage everyone who is reading this blog to do the same.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.  I know that Lexie appreciates all of your love and support, as well.  Please take care, and give all of your fur babies a kiss on the nose for me.  :)

Saying Good-Bye

When I got up this morning, I found that Lexie's mammary wounds had bled through her doggy bed during the night.  I can't believe she even found the strength to get up, go down the front steps, and walk into the yard to pee, but she did.  She did it for me.  She fought so hard for me for so long, but she collapsed on the sidewalk before she could make it back into the house, and I knew at that moment that I wasn't going to make Lexie fight any longer. 

Justin sat with her and said his good-byes while I got ready to take her to Dr. Ellis.  Then, before I left, we held each other and cried as I thanked Justin for taking such good care of my Lou.  I told him how much she loved him.  It broke my heart to see him crying so hard for her, and for me, but it also made me realize just how lucky I and my girls are to have him in our lives. 

Unfortunately, Dr. Ellis wasn't at Animal Care Clinic today, so they sent us to Dr. Mark Ayers' office.  All of the staff and Dr. Ayers were so kind to me and Lou.  I'm glad that she was surrounded by so many kind, happy voices in her final hour.  I'm also so glad that I decided to stay and be with her while she was euthanized.  I put my forehead against hers and held her face in my hands as I thanked her for loving me and told her what a good girl she was.  She was peaceful, and I also felt at peace as I finally let her go.  I made her promise to find me again someday, though.  I have a feeling she will. 

Oh, Moomie.  I'm going to miss you so very, very much.  You'll always be my little turd, and I'll love you until my last breath.  Thank you for making me so happy for so many years. 

Regression and a Big Decision Today

Despite having a really good Sunday evening, Monday, and Tuesday morning, when I got home from work yesterday evening, Lexie had regressed.  She didn't want to eat anything, not even hot dogs, and she was very weak.  A little later in the evening, she finally went into the kitchen to drink some water.  She drank a TON of water, actually, but then she staggered into the living room and threw up all the water she had just drank.  Justin tried to tell me that she probably threw it up simply because she drank so much so quickly, but there was no consoling me.  I knew that none of this was good.

We decided to sleep in the living room with Lexie last night because she had started moaning and groaning a bit.  Mind you, Dobermans are known to be big whiney babies, especially when they're wanting some attention, and this is definitely true with Lexie.  However, Justin and I didn't sleep all night because we each took turns laying in the floor, spooning Lou and trying to comfort her.  No matter how much we cuddled her, though, she continued to moan and groan all night long. 

Finally, around 5:00 a.m., I tried to give her two Tramadol pills for pain.  She wouldn't open her mouth for me, but I managed to pry her jaws open just enough to slip the tablets into her mouth.  A few minutes later, she spit them out.  We did this a couple more times before she finally swallowed them.  I thought that the pain medication would at least knock Lexie out so that maybe Justin and I could sleep for a half-hour before we had to get up for work, but she still continued to moan and groan.

At that point, I felt that it was probably time to end Lexie's suffering.  It just so happens that she already had an appointment with Dr. Ellis this morning because she's supposed to have her stitches removed today (such cruel irony).  So, I texted Zach, Kristy, and my mother to give them all the heads up that Lexie may not be coming home from the vet today.  Zach and Kristy both came over to say their potential good-byes.  I asked Justin if he would be willing to help me take Lexie to the vet because I wasn't even sure at that point if she was able to walk.  She had barely moved a muscle all night long.  However, when I asked Lexie if she had to go pee, she actually sat up.  She even managed to stand up, although she was very unsteady, probably due to a combination of the pain medication making her loopy and half of her body being asleep from not moving all night.  Regardless, she managed to find her way onto the porch, then down the front steps and into the yard to pee.  She even got into the car all by herself.

Normally, I'd be very happy about those things, especially with Lexie getting into the car independently, but all it did was make me even more confused about what I should do.  On one hand, I know I'm going to have to euthanize her eventually, no matter what, and I certainly don't want her to suffer if she's in pain.  On the other hand (and I realize I'm probably just trying to convince myself of this), I keep wondering if her backslide yesterday evening and all the moaning last night were reactions to stopping her pain medication cold turkey.  (We stopped giving her the Tramadol after her Monday morning dose.) 

The reason I'm having such a hard time just "letting go" right now is because I want SO BADLY to be able to give her at least a few happy days after being fully recovered from her surgeries before it's time to finally say good-bye.  When I told this to Kristy this morning, she said, "But you have given her a LOT of good days.  She's lived a very happy life."  I know this is true, and Kristy makes a good point, but I just hate with all my heart the thought of Lexie going through all this pain and misery, all those trips to Ohio, those long, overnight stays at MedVet, and THREE surgeries, only to finally come home and be euthanized before her stitches are even removed.  I mean, what was the point of any of this?!?

People also keep telling me not to beat myself up and that I made the best decisions with the information that I was given at the time.  I know this is also true; however, that doesn't make any of this easier for me to accept.  It doesn't stop me from being SO ANGRY over the fact that I was told Lexie's abdominal ultrasound showed no signs of cancer, which was the reason why I decided to let her have the enucleation surgery in the first place.

Speaking of that, I sent Dr. Kennedy an email full of questions yesterday, to which he replied yesterday evening....from his iPhone.  I am now going to copy and paste the questions I emailed to him and his answers for you to read (I have not altered this text in any way, other than highlighting his responses):

1. Could you please tell me again exactly what Lexie’s cancer diagnosis is?  I tried to take notes while we were on the phone, but all I wrote down was “vascular and lymphatics,” “inflammatory mammary carcinoma, “Stage III,” and “50/50 it will return in 12-15 months.”  Obviously, I should have taken better notes, but I was in a combined state of shock and devastation at the time.

Mammary carcinoma

2. You mentioned on the phone that the size of the two mammary tumors removed during Lexie’s surgery were quite large, and you said this was “concerning.”  I actually have a few questions regarding this:
   1. How big were the tumors? Over five cm
   2. Why is the size of the tumors still concerning if they were removed? Because we could not take the amount of normal tissue desired to be sure all cancer was removed
   3. When you first mentioned the possibility of removing Lexie’s swollen mammary glands on July 7, 2012, because you said the tumors could be cancerous, I informed you that Lexie had just recently had an abdominal ultrasound, which I was told showed no cancerous tumors.  At that time, you explained that it takes billions of cells to form even a small tumor that is visible enough to be seen on an ultrasound.  If that is the case, and the two tumors removed during Lexie’s surgery were so large that you find them to be concerning, why weren’t they visible on her abdominal ultrasound performed June 20, 2012? The statement about the cells refers to x-rays. I do not know what to say about the presence of the masses at the time of the ultrasound. There is always some mixed inflammation. In these rumors and that might be why they were so obvious to me.

3. When you said that there is a 50% chance that another tumor will appear within 12-15 months, does that mean that the two tumors that were removed during Lexie’s mastectomy were the only cancerous tumors she had?

The only ones we could detect. It is likely that more will form in others glands or within our surgery site

4. You mentioned something about further tests being done on the tumors to see if any lymph nodes were also removed during surgery.  Could you please re-explain the reason for this?  Also, when do you expect to have the results of these additional tests? We submitted a mass of tissue. The lymph node should be in that mind of tissue. If the pathologist finds it he can assess any sites for metastasis (spread) as this will worsen her prognosis if found.

I do not know when to expect it back but hopefully by the end of this week

5. Does Lexie have a life expectancy given her recent diagnosis?

 Potentially as little as 5-7 months

6. Do you know of any current clinical trials for canine cancer treatments for which Lexie might be eligible?

 not that I'm aware of

I'm a little infuriated by his response to question #2c.  Why would he have answered my question about Lexie's abdominal ultrasound with information that pertained to X-rays?  I am 100% certain that I did not ask him about Lexie's X-rays because 1) her X-rays were not performed at MedVet; they were done at Animal Care Clinic in Huntington, and 2) When Dr. Kennedy called on July 7 to discuss Lexie's swollen mammary glands, I mentioned her abdominal ultrasound to him because it had just been performed at MedVet two weeks prior, and I was told that the ultrasound did not show any cancer.  I didn't mention Lexie's X-rays to him because they were X-rays of her chest, not her abdomen.

Anyway, I know that what's done is done and that going over all the shoulda, woulda, coulda's isn't going to change anything, but I just feel so...wronged.  While I can accept that Lexie has cancer and will eventually need to be euthanized, possibly even today, I simply cannot accept the fact that the veterinarians at MedVet missed two Stage III mammary carcinoma tumors that were both over 5 cm in size, nor do I find Dr. Kennedy's reply of "I do not know what to say about the presence of the masses at the time of the ultrasound..." to be acceptable in the least.  I plan to call MedVet today to request a copy of Lexie's medical records, including her ultrasound images.  If another veterinarian looks at Lou's ultrasound and tells me that they do not see cancer, then maybe I will stop feeling so angry. 

In the meantime, Lexie is currently at Animal Care Clinic, and I am waiting for a phone call from Dr. Ellis so we can discuss Lexie's current condition and whether or not she should be euthanized today.  If Dr. Ellis tells me that Lexie's behavior yesterday evening and last night were a result of the sudden medication withdrawal or possibly some other explanation, and if she thinks that Lexie's still got a few good, pain-free months left in her, I will probably choose to bring her home.  If Dr. Ellis tells me that Lexie is in pain due to the cancer, I will not make my Lou suffer any longer.

Horrible News

I just got a call from Dr. Kennedy at MedVet.  Lexie's biopsies came back from her double-mastectomy.  She has Stage III mammary carcinoma.  All of the details are a blur to me right now, but Dr. Kennedy said something about her type of cancer affecting the vascular and lymphatic systems.  He also said there is a 50/50 chance that another tumor will either come back in her mammary glands or appear elsewhere within 12-15 months. 

He said that I could speak to someone in their Oncology department about possibly starting chemotherapy, but I know there is no possible way I could afford to give her chemotherapy treatments after already spending thousands of dollars on her eye treatments and surgeries.  Not only that, but there is a consultation charge just to speak with Oncology about chemo options for Lou. 

I'm too shaken up to really talk any more about this.  All I can tell you is that right now I'm heartbroken and angry.  I'm angry that they weren't able to see a Stage III carcinoma on her X-rays, abdominal ultrasound, or any blood work.  If they had, I probably wouldn't have put her through all of these surgeries and racked up another $2000 in debt on my brother's Care Credit account.  I don't mean that to sound cold or sound like all I'm thinking about is money, because it absolutely isn't.  It's just one of the things I'm so angry about right now.  Mainly, I'm feeling horrible for putting Lexie through all of this.  Recovery has not been easy on her, or any of us, and now it doesn't even feel like "recovery."  It feels more like I'm putting us all through torture.  I thought that this tough recovery period would be 100% worth it once she was all better and was able to adjust to her new life as a blind Dobe, but now....

Still Not Eating

Yesterday evening, I decided to take Lexie for a ride to the store to get her some canned dog food.  I thought the car ride might lift her spirits, but she immediately laid down in the back seat and didn't even try to look out the windows.  I was afraid she might panic a little while I ran into the store, but she didn't even get up.  I decided to try to feed her some of the Purina One Lamb and Rice canned food right there in the car because I knew if I tried to feed it to her when we got home, Jocie and Sam would probably try to eat it out from under her. So, I sat in the back seat and held the opened can as she licked and nibbled at it.  She actually ate about 3/4 of the can, which made me VERY happy.

A little later that night, after I took Lexie out to pee, I decided to try feeding her the rest of the canned food.  Once again, she licked and nibbled at it until there was only a tiny bit left, and I was very pleased.  However, when I tried to feed her her evening dose of pain medication in a couple of Greenies Pill Pockets, which she normally loves, she turned up her nose and wouldn't eat them.  I decided to wait a few minutes, then tried again, but she still wouldn't eat them.  I tried putting the pills in a piece of the crab meat she loved so much the night before, but she turned her nose up at that, as well.  Finally, when Justin returned home a couple hours later, he managed to get her to eat her Tramadol by putting the pills in some tuna.  We were also able to coax Lexie onto the couch, although her back legs were so weak that I had to hoist her up.

When I got up around 8:00 this morning, I got Lexie up and ready to take her outside to pee.  However, she stopped at the front door and seemed very hesitant to go down the front steps.  This was new.  She hasn't had any problems going down the front steps ever since she came home from MedVet.  She seems very weak right now, though, and I think she was afraid of stumbling down the steps.  She finally came down, although she used a pretty inventive new "side-step" technique, but hey, whatever works.

After she came back inside, after much coaxing to get  her to walk back up the steps, I tried feeding her a half a can of food.  She nibbled at it a little bit, but barely ate more than about 1/4 of a can.  She needed to take her antibiotics and pain medication, but no matter what I tried, she wouldn't eat them.  Finally, I decided to wake Justin up to see if he had any ideas.  (Lexie was trembling a little and I worried that she was in pain, which may be causing her weakness and lack of appetite.) Justin put her medications inside cut up pieces of hot dogs, which thankfully she ate without any protest.  Then, Justin laid down beside Lexie to pet her a little, and a few minutes later I found my two babies cuddled up together sound asleep:

A little later, Justin and I decided to go to Petco to see if we could find a type of dog food that was suggested to me on my previous post, and to see if anyone at the pet store might have any other suggestions for helping Lexie's appetite.  Well, they didn't have exactly what we were looking for, but the Petco employee suggested we try Vita Gravy over Lexie's regular dog food.  I also bought two sample sizes of Natural Balance dog food rolls to see if she'll like them.

When we returned home, Justin tried to take Lexie out to pee, but once again she hesitated at the front steps.  In fact, it took her so long to go down the front steps that as soon as she reached the bottom, she just peed right there on the sidewalk.  Justin tried walking her around a little bit, but she was very shaky, and at one point she kind of just gave up and laid down in the grass.  She also wouldn't eat when we tried to feed her after she came back inside.

So, at this point I'm very worried.  It would be one thing if she just wasn't eating very much, but it's the fact that she's so weak that's upsetting me.   Justin and I are going to take Lou up to his parents' house a little later this evening.  I'm hoping that her pain medication will be worn off enough at that point that she'll feel like eating a little.  I'm also hoping that going on a little adventure to their house without her sisters might perk her up some.   Either way, I'm probably going to call MedVet tomorrow to let them know that she's not eating and she's getting weak.  After all, they still haven't called me with the biopsy results from her mastectomies yet.

:(

Switching to Weekly Updates (Plus, a Funny Little Story)

I meant to mention this in my post yesterday, but since there haven't been any major developments or emergencies with Lexie over the past week (thank GOD!), I probably will not be giving daily updates from this point on, unless something out of the ordinary happens, of course.  Instead, I will probably start posting weekly updates about Lou's recovery and adjustment to her new life as a blind Dobe.  This way, I won't wear you out with boring posts like, "Lexie ate, drank, slept, and used the bathroom a couple times today.  Tune in tomorrow to see what exciting things she does next!" 

I will tell you that the swelling above her right eye is now showing definite signs of improvement, which is quite a relief.  Her left eye must have had a tad bit of swelling, too, which I didn't really notice until yesterday.  It's not that I noticed her left eye was swollen, though, it's more like I've noticed that the swelling must be going away because now her left eye is actually starting to look a little "sunken in."  It's a little weird, I'm not going to lie, but at least her incision in that eye looks really, really good. 

Another weird thing I've noticed is that, even though Lexie no longer has any eyes in her sockets, the muscles around her eyes still move sometimes, as though she's looking around.  In fact, when I first noticed this the other night, it was actually quite a funny moment.  (I'm a little embarrassed to share this, but it's too funny to keep to myself.) 

Now, admittedly, I was a bit tipsy when this happened.  Justin and I were having a nice, relaxing evening at home, and I had probably had two or three glasses of wine by this point.  I decided to use the flashlight app on my iPhone to check Lexie's incisions, and when I held the flashlight up to her face, I noticed her eye muscles move.  Obviously, her eye muscles were probably just reacting to the sensation of something being held close to her face all of a sudden, but in my tipsy state I actually thought that she had reacted to the light.  So, I said to Justin, "Hey, are we sure that Lexie can't see anything?"  (Mind you, her eyeballs have been surgically removed.)  Justin immediately burst into laughter, then quickly regained his composure and said, in a very calm and reassuring manner, "I am absolutely, 100% positive."

Okay, okay, so maybe it wasn't the smartest question I've ever asked, but at least it's given us something to laugh about.  :)

One Week Post-Surgery

Well, we've made it a WHOLE WEEK without having to rush Lexie to the vet!  Hooray!!!  I am also happy to report that, as of this morning, the swelling above Lexie's right eye looks like it may have gone down a tiny bit.  It hasn't improved much, by any means, but some progress is better than no progress.  I'm not worried about it being an abscess, either, because it's not tender, it's not seeping at all, and it doesn't feel warm to the touch.  In fact, her incisions actually look really good!  She's such a good patient, too.  She never protests when I apply a warm compress to her eye, and last night she even let me clean some of the dried scabs off of her cheek and the bridge of her nose without whining or even moving a muscle.  I figure Lexie's been poked and prodded so much at this point that she probably understands that people are actually trying to help her whenever they mess with her face and eyes like that.

As far as adjusting to being blind, Lou is definitely getting around the house a little better than she was a week ago.  She still gets a little lost from time to time, and she still refuses to go out onto the back deck or use the bathroom in the back yard for some unknown reason; however, she does a much better job of finding the water bowl in the kitchen all by herself, and Lexie has even established a preferred route from the kitchen into the living room, which is through the dining room. 

Lexie is also finally becoming more confident about climbing onto the couch, which makes me very happy because that has always been her favorite spot to snuggle and sleep.  For a while, she would only get up on the couch at night, after Justin and I had gone to bed.  We had tried coaxing her onto the sofa with us several times over the last few days, but she would always just lay down by our feet instead.  Then, last night this happened:



I still tear up when I watch that video.  Haha! 

We also decided not to give Lexie any pain medication last night, as she seemed more alert and hasn't really been showing any signs of pain (when we first brought her home, we knew it was time for her pain medication whenever she would kind of start trembling).  Our plan is to cut back on her Tramadol and only give it to her once in the morning because it will help her sleep while we're at work.  If she starts showing any signs of pain, of course, we will give her another dose at night, but I really don't think we'll need to.

So, overall, Lexie's first week of recovery has gone fairly smoothly.  We're still about another week away from being able to have her stitches removed, but in the meantime these are the next signs of progress that I'd like to see:

• I'm hoping that the swelling above Lexie's right eye will greatly improve within the next week.
• I want Lexie to eat better (we're completely cutting out table food for all the girls). 
• I'd love to see Lexie's mood improve.
• We'd eventually like to ween her off the pain medications completely.
• I expect Lexie to become even more familiar with the layout of the house and bump into walls, furniture, etc. much less.

I'm So Exhausted

Last night, Justin and I agreed that the swelling over Lexie’s right eye may have worsened a bit (I photographed her from the left side so you could see how far her right eye incision is bulging out).  Neither of us was very concerned, as we thought she possibly just bonked her head while we were at work, but we thought it might be a good idea to call MedVet anyway.  After all, last Saturday, when a woman from MedVet called to check on Lexie, I mentioned to her that I noticed a tinge of blood in Lexie’s stool that day, and she told me to discontinue Lexie’s anti-inflammatory medication, as that can sometimes cause bowel irritation.  So, Lexie hasn’t been taking her anti-inflammatory medication since last Saturday, and I thought that maybe they would just prescribe her a different kind of anti-inflammatory once I told them that the swelling in her eye had gotten a little worse.

The woman I spoke to last night, Julie, asked me all sorts of questions:  How has Lexie’s appetite been?  Is she drinking water?  Is she going to the bathroom regularly?  How is her mood?  I was able to answer all of these questions with either “good” or “yes.”  Then, Julie asked if the swollen skin around Lexie’s right eye was warm or tender to the touch.  I put her on hold as I felt Lexie’s eye, but I couldn’t really feel a difference in temperature between her right and left eye, and she didn’t act like it bothered her when I touched it.  Then, Julie asked me to take a couple of pictures of Lexie’s eye, email the photos to Dr. Kennedy, Lexie’s soft tissue surgeon, take Lexie’s temperature (note to self: NEVER use the digital Walgreens thermometer EVER again!), and then call her back.

After following Julie’s instructions (Lexie’s temperature was 101.2, which is in the normal range for a dog), she contacted Dr. Kennedy, who reviewed the photos I sent him.  He said it looks like it could just be a seroma, which is normal.  However, if the swollen area becomes tender, if we notice a discharge that looks more like frank blood and not bloody fluid, if there is an odor, or if the discharge looks like pus then we are to bring Lexie back to MedVet because it could be an abscess.

Greeeeeaaaaat. 

 All I could do for the rest of the night was stare at Lexie’s swollen eye.  I went to bed in tears over the possibility of having to take her back to MedVet. 

This morning, the swelling didn’t look any better.  Then, after Lexie bumped her face on the steps while coming back inside after going outside to pee, I noticed a little bit of blood (not bloody fluid) coming from the swollen part of her eye.  I've also noticed that Lou's appetite seems to be diminishing, although Justin thinks she’s just becoming picky because we made the mistake of feeding her a lot of table food when she first came home.  At first, she would eat both table food and dog food, then she stopped eating her dog food, and now she’s even becoming a little picky about table food.  I used to put her medication inside little balls of bread, which she loved, but now she turns her nose every time I offer her the same bread.  Then, I started putting her medication inside these organic peanut butter treats our friends, Zoltan and Sarah, made for her, which Lexie also loved at first, but now she no longer seems interested in them.  This morning, the only way I could get her to take her medication was to put the pills inside rolled up slices of cheese, and even then I felt like I was making her eat them.  Not only that, but she looked kind of shaky and unsteady on her feet while she was walking around this morning (all the more reason for me to worry about her while I’m at work today).

I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take.  My life has basically been CONSUMED with worrying and taking care of Lexie ever since she first became sick at the beginning of June.  In fact, I feel like I no longer have a life of my own. 

I have a large, close group of friends, whom I love.  We would all hang out at least a couple times a week and on the weekends, and when we weren’t hanging out, we would all keep in touch daily via social networking and text messaging.  However, I can’t tell you the last time I sent someone a text or posted anything on Facebook or Twitter that wasn’t Lexie-related.  For that reason, I haven’t really texted anyone or tweeted in a long time because I feel like I’m just wearing everyone out with Lexie stuff at this point, and yet there’s honestly nothing more important to me right now, which is why I can’t even think of anything else to talk about.  I have also turned down several invites to various cook-outs and other random opportunities to hang out because I needed to stay home and take care of Lexie.  I have made time to hang out with my friends on a few occasions over the last couple of weeks, but whenever I do, I feel like I literally have to bite my tongue to keep myself from talking about Lou all night, and I just worry about her the whole time anyway. 

I’ve also fallen behind with my photo editing (I’m a photographer on the side) because of all my trips to Ohio and now having to watch Lexie like a hawk, and my house is a complete wreck for the same reasons.  Justin and I haven’t done anything fun or spent any quality time together since June, either.  Our lives and conversations revolve solely around Lexie.  We’ve got a big beach trip with our friends coming up at the end of August, which normally I’d be super excited about, but this year I’m almost dreading it because I know I’ll just be worrying about Lexie the whole time (she’s going to be staying with Justin’s parents, and she’s not very familiar with them or their house).  Not to mention the fact that I’m the type of person who eats her feelings, so let’s just say that I’m not exactly feeling “bikini-ready” at the moment (all of my work pants are fitting kind of snug lately, which makes me feel awesome.)  In general, I really miss what my life was like before June, 2012. 

With that said, please do not take this little rant to mean that I regret even one single minute of the time I’ve spent taking care of my Lou, because I don’t…at all!  I’m just venting, basically, because I do miss my friends, I do miss having fun, I do miss doing “couple things” with Justin, I do miss not worrying about Lexie 24/7, I do miss feeling comfortable in my clothes, I do miss having at least a little bit of spending money, and I do miss feeling like I’m more on top of things like housework, editing, bills, etc.    

I just want things to feel normal again, but now that I’m sitting here wondering if I’ll be taking Lexie BACK to MedVet soon, it just makes me feel like this TRULY is never going to end. 

An ER-Free Weekend!

That's right, we made it through the entire weekend without an emergency trip to the ER!  Woo hoo!  Lexie's incisions barely even had any oozing yesterday.  (By the way, I wish there was another word I could use besides "oozing," because that just sounds so gross to me, but I really don't know what else to call it.) 

Sam has continued to be a little pouty, but usually only when Lexie is actively receiving more attention than her, especially from Justin.  For example, I took these photos yesterday of Justin giving Lexie a little bit of lovin's and also helping her eat (it's difficult for Lou to reach the food in her new elevated bowl when she's wearing her E-collar, so we have to kind of tilt the bowl towards her so she can get the food):

After I took those photos, I turned around to find Sam laying on the couch in full-pout mode as she watched HER Justin giving Lexie all of his attention:

Yes, I know.  She's pitiful.  Don't let her fool you, though.  Sam knows what she's doing.  She knows that as soon as we see her in such a pitiful state, she will immediately receive some undivided attention from either or both of us, which is exactly what happened after I took that photo of her.  At least she's just being pouty in order to receive attention, though, and she's not actually being resentful toward Lexie.  Just a few moments after the above photo was taken, I found Sam curled up with Lexie in the new doggy bed:

Earlier, I had experienced another "awwwww" moment when Zach and Kristy came over to watch True Blood.  Lexie loves Kristy, who was her running partner before Lexie went blind, and Kristy loves Lexie.  So, as soon as Lexie heard Kristy's voice last night, she got up from her doggy bed and tried to find her.  Kristy had followed Zach into the laundry room and didn't realize Lexie was looking for her, but I watched silently from the couch as Lexie found her way through the kitchen all by herself and finally reached Kristy.  When Kristy felt Lexie kind of run into the back of her legs, she spun around and said, "Hi, Lou!" then bent down to pet her.  As I saw Lexie do the infamous "Dobe lean" into Kristy's arms (the equivalent of a human hug for Dobermans), I immediately teared up. 

The best moment of the night, though, came when Justin and I were taking care of Lexie before bed.  While administering her last dose of pain meds for the night and making sure her E-collar was secure, both Sam and Jocie came over to "help" me and Justin tuck Lou in:

All in all, it was a very good, drama-free weekend at our house...for a change!  We've still got a long road ahead of us, as right now we're just sort of in the initial "stitches-watching" phase, which is going to last about another week and a half until her stitches come out.  Then, we can REALLY dive into helping Lexie adjust by taking her on walks with her sisters, trying new games, and just working with her in general to help her become as independent as possible.

A Deal Is Made...Minutes Before Surgery

I finally got a phone call from MedVet a little after 6:30 p.m.; however, it wasn't Dr. Kennedy calling to discuss the cost or hear my decision about Lexie's mastectomy.  It was just some girl calling to say, "Ms. Bell, we're just calling to let you know that Lexie is going into surgery now."

I asked, "Well, what exactly is she about to have done?" to which she replied, "Ummm....I don't know.  They just told me to call you.  Let me get someone else."

The next girl who came on the line told me that Dr. Kennedy was unavailable to speak because he was in surgery, but asked if she could help me.  Oooooohhhhh.....that poor girl.  I basically WENT OFF.  I will spare you all the minute details of my psychotic rant, but here is a run-down of some of my major speaking points:

• The doctors knew that Lexie's wounds were infected the day they performed her surgery.
• The doctors know that an infection can sometimes cause an incision to pull open.
• The doctors had not yet received the results of Lexie's bacterial cultures the day after her surgery, so they were not aware at that point that she actually had both staph and serratia infections, which were quite extensive, and yet the doctors told me that Lexie was "stable" and ready to go home when she clearly was not. 
• The doctors sent us home with Cephalexin, an antibiotic to which staph and serratia infections are resistant.
• Lexie's stitches pulled open just approximately 14 hours after she was discharged from MedVet, and now she has had to stay there for another seven nights and have another surgery as a result.

I told that girl that I did nothing wrong.  I simply came and picked Lexie up when the doctors told me she was stable and cleared to go home, which was obviously too soon.  I felt like I was having to pay for THEIR mistake.  I also launched into a big rant about how I've been told by five different doctors all week long not to worry about the cost of this visit because they were "doing all they could to keep the costs minimal," so I honestly wasn't expecting to pay more than $1500 TOTAL.  I told her I was perfectly fine with the fact that I would have to pay full price for Lexie's mastectomy IF I was actually being cut a break on everything else.  I even went so far as to say, "I'm even willing to pay the $1800 that I was quoted for this surgery if that's ALL I have to pay."


She put me on hold for about 20 minutes while she spoke with Dr. So-and-So, who apparently has the ability to approve or deny discounts.  Finally, she came back on the line and told me that my total bill for Lexie's stay and surgery, including the mastectomy, would be $1800.  I said, "That's all I wanted.  Thank you."  


Lexie is in surgery as we speak.
'

Not a Word

Dr. Sawyer told me last night that Dr. Kennedy would call me before Lexie's surgery today to discuss the cost of the surgery, which may or may not include a mastectomy, as I still haven't decided whether or not I can afford it.  I have waited ALL day today, yet I have not received a single phone call from anyone at MedVet.

I finally decided to call them just before 2:00 p.m. I was transferred to a surgical tech, who told me that Lexie had not yet undergone surgery due to the fact that they had a couple of emergency surgeries this morning.  That is completely understandable, and I was not upset at all by the fact that she hadn't had her surgery yet.  I explained to the woman on the phone that Dr. Kennedy was supposed to call me before Lou's surgery, so I was just calling to find out what was going on since I hadn't heard from him yet.  She told me that Lexie would probably have her surgery in about an hour, and she said someone would call me beforehand.

That was two and a half hours ago.  I'm about to start taking bets on whether or not Lexie actually has surgery today... 

Aaaand Back to the ER

I was right, Lexie must have busted some of her stitches earlier, and throughout the course of the day the rest of the stitches must have just worked themselves out, too, because around 10:00 p.m. I discovered that her incision was completely open.  Not busted wide open or anything like that, but it was obvious the incision wasn't being held together tightly and none of the stitches were visible at all anymore.

So, my only option was to rush her to our local Animal ER, and let me tell you, I am NOT happy with that place right now.  I called ahead to let them know we were coming.  Then, as soon as we walked in, I saw a puddle of pee on the floor with a yellow Caution sign sitting next to it (the puddle dried in the amount of time we were there, by the way, and no one ever even moved the sign, let alone mopped the floor).  Then, I told the girl behind the counter who we were, what was going on, and even told her I was freaking out a little.  She handed me a form and told me to fill it out, then she disappeared into the back somewhere for about....oh....I'd say at least twenty minutes!  For twenty minutes, my Lou sat in the waiting room just bleeding from her right eye while I nervously and angrily tapped my nails on the counter waiting for someone to come back and help us.

Finally, a different girl emerged from the back, but I don't even think she was going to help us until I said, "Excuse me, but I would feel MUCH better if someone would at least come take my dog."  Her reply?  "What's wrong with her?"  Unbelievable.

Well, that second girl did take Lexie to the back for me, but then we didn't see another employee for the next half hour or so, not even at the front desk!  Finally, a vet (at least, I hope she was an actual vet) called us into a room.  She said she already knew a little bit about Lexie's case because Dr. Ellis had called the Animal ER last Friday to see if they had plasma after Lexie's blood wouldn't clot.  She asked me if Lexie had any problems during her second surgery at MedVet, and I told her she didn't.  However, I added that we never really found out for sure if Lexie has Von Willenbrand's disease.

I guess for that reason, this vet said that she "didn't want to do anything that might cause all that to start up again," and told me she was going to put some ointment on Lexie's wound and then put a patch on it.  A PATCH!  I asked if she could at least put one or two stitches in it to close it up better, but she said that because Lou's surgery was two days ago, she'd have to re-open her wound a little in order to stitch it back up, which is exactly what she didn't want to do because she was afraid Lexie would start bleeding uncontrollably again.

So, I asked if they could at least keep Lexie overnight for observation because there's no way I'd be able to sleep tonight if I took her home with just a patch on her opened incision.  They said that was fine, so that's where Lexie is now.  I'm going to have to get up super early in order to go pick her up and take her to the Animal Care Clinic before I have to be at work at 8:30 a.m. tomorrow.

Will this ever end?????

Celebrating Red, White, and Lou!

I am so thankful that Justin and I were able to stay home with Lexie today because of the 4th of July holiday.  All of my friends are headed to a big cookout, and I have to admit that I'm starting to feel a little cooped up, but there's no way I'd leave my Lou today.

She's been sleeping most of the day because of her pain medication, but when she's awake she seems happy, despite how awful she looks.  I'm trying to keep her face clean, but it's a losing battle right now.  Her right eye is really worrying me.  I'm not a vet by any means, but it looks to me like she may have busted a stitch or two.  I tried calling MedVet, but they told me the ophthalmology department isn't in today, and Animal Care Clinic is closed today, too (i.e. the one downside to having Lexie's first day home fall on a holiday).  Yesterday, the veterinary ophthalmologist at MedVet told me that it's normal to see some bloody discharge coming from Lexie's eyes over the next several days, but right now it looks like it's just plain blood.  It's not gushing, though, and her incision doesn't look like it's bursting or anything, so I'm hoping to just wait until tomorrow morning to take her to see Dr. Ellis.  If it starts to look worse, I'll take her to the local animal ER tonight.  

The other thing that's worrying me a little is that Lexie hasn't peed all day.  She went out this morning without any problem, but she didn't pee.  For the rest of the day, anytime I've tried to let the girls out Lexie will walk to the back door, but then refuses to come outside.  The last time I tried to get her to go out, just a few minutes ago, she actually started trembling as Justin and I tried to coax her outside.  I'm not sure if it's the temperature that's making her hesitant to go out (it's almost 100-degrees today), or what.  I'm hoping she'll go tonight when it's cooled down.

In the meantime, I've decided to put Lexie's inflatable collar on her to prevent any further damage to her incisions.  (I still cannot believe she was sent home without an E-collar!)  She has been pretty good about leaving her stitches alone, but every now and then I'll catch her rubbing her face on the carpet.  I'm sure those stitches are itchy and uncomfortable, but I'd just rather be safe than sorry.  My poor Lou.  I'll be so glad when she's healed so I can stop worrying!

She's Home!!!

 I don't even know where to begin.  I am so overwhelmed with emotions right now!

First of all, I got the call from Dr. Corbett saying that Lexie could come home around 10:00 a.m., but I had a few reports I needed to get done at work before I could leave.  I was also crossing my fingers that Justin would be able to take off work early, but by 2:00 p.m. he texted to say his chances of leaving early didn't look good, so I decided to go by myself to pick up Lou.  After all, Dr. Corbett had told me that she thought Lexie would be fine riding in the back seat by herself during the trip home.

So, I arrived at MedVet around 6:30 p.m. this evening, and the first thing they wanted to do was settle my bill, the total of which was significantly higher than I had been anticipating (over $3500!).  However, you guys aren't going to believe this:  I learned that not only did Lexie's local vet donate a large sum towards her MedVet bill, in addition to the generous donations I have received through my and Chad Dressen's blogs, an incredibly kind woman from Canada, named Wanda, whom I have never even had the pleasure of meeting before, had also called MedVet and offered to pay the balance!!!!!  

I.  Am.  Speechless.

Stuff like this doesn't happen in real life, does it?!?!?!  It doesn't!  At least, not in MY real life.  I am still in shock.  I just happened to be standing at the front desk when the billing assistant called Miss Wanda to get her credit card information, so I asked if I could speak to her before the billing assistant hung up.  I'm so glad I was able to thank Wanda myself, although she may not have understood me through all the tears.  I am also  hoping that Dr. Ellis is in the office tomorrow so I can thank her, as well.  I mean, seriously?!?!?!  Seeing so much GOOD and kindness in people has truly been the most beautiful, amazing experience of my life.  It has definitely made me want to strive to be a better human being, and I can only hope many other people who have been following our story feel the same way.  You guys have been nothing short of incredible, and I cannot thank you enough.

Speaking of incredible, Lexie is home!!!!!  In fact, she's laying beside me on the floor as I type this blog.  Justin and I are already so impressed with how well she's adjusting, too.  She's actually getting around BETTER than she was right before her bilateral enucleation surgery.  I wonder if maybe she was depending a little too much on being able to distinguish shadows and light, because now it's obvious she's using her senses of hearing and smell a lot more than she was a week ago.  She's also not walking directly into things like she used to.  She ALMOST walks into things, but as soon as her nose gets really close to the wall, chair, door, etc., she kind of pulls back and changes direction.  Since being home, she's already located the food bowls and had some dinner, she drank about a gallon of water after finding her water bowl all by herself, and I even walked into the foyer at one point to find her cleaning Sam's ears!  She is definitely the same ole Lou she was before this whole ordeal began last month, and I can't tell you how happy that makes me.

The one thing that is kind of worrisome is the fact that she's bleeding a lot from her incisions.  The vet tech at MedVet told me that this is normal, and even brought in the ophthalmologist on duty to confirm this for me.  He said that, as long as the fluid coming from Lexie's eyes was just bloody and not actual blood, then it was perfectly fine.  However, since we've gotten home, I swear it looks more like blood and less like bloody fluid coming from her eyes.  She looks just like a crying vampire from True Blood!  I'm applying a cold compress, like the vet at MedVet suggested, but I just really wish her eyes weren't bleeding at all.  It makes me nervous.  In fact, I ended up asking him if they could wrap Lexie's head like it was when I brought her in on Friday, just for the trip home.  Poor little thing.  She looked like I had kidnapped her.

Other than that, though, my Lou is home and is doing so well!!!!!   Yaaaayyy!!!  Her eyes do look a little funny, like Dr. Corbett had warned me, but I can't help but think she looks adorable.  I was afraid she'd look sad all the time without having any eyes, but she really doesn't.  I mean, come on, that smile is pretty undeniable.  :)  She's also been giving the MOST hugs!  In fact, she hasn't really wanted me to leave her side since I picked her up.  During the first few minutes of the drive home, she kept resting her head on the console between the two front seats just so she could be closer to me.  She didn't look comfortable, though, so I pulled over and brought her up front to the passenger seat beside me.  I laid the seat all the way down, then stuffed a big comforter in the floor, just in case she fell forward at some point.  She curled right up into a little ball, though, and slept as I pet her the whole rest of the way home.  

I am just so relieved to have her with me finally.  If her eye incisions keep bleeding like they have been tonight, I'll probably have Dr. Ellis take a look at her ASAP.  So, I'm not 100% comfortable yet, but I definitely feel a LOT better now that she's home.  :)

Lexie's Out of Surgery!!!

I've been shaking since about 12:00 p.m., but Dr. Corbett FINALLY called around 12:30 to let me know that Lexie is out of surgery and everything went really well! She said that she was prepared for the worst, but Lexie actually didn't bleed much more than a typical surgery. Yesterday, Dr. Corbett had called to ask my permission to give Lou another blood transfusion because they thought the donor dog's clotting factors would help during Lexie's surgery. I guess maybe they were right!

There was one minor complication, but hopefully it's nothing to worry about too much. Because the gauze had been left in Lexie's eye sockets for a few days, an infection has started. So, they've swabbed the area, which is fortunately close to the surface, and they're going to culture it so they'll know exactly which antibiotics she needs.

Another thing that Dr. Corbett wanted to give me a heads up about is Lou's appearance, because apparently she looks kind of "funny" right now. Dr. Corbett said that Dr. Ellis had actually sewn one of Lexie's eyes vertically instead of horizontally, probably just in her haste to get her sewn up after packing the gauze. Dr. Corbett said that she tried her best to fix the incision, but until her fur grows back, she said Lou may look a little...inquisitive.

Other than that, Dr. Corbett said that Lexie is just fine and is currently snoring away! Haha! Dr. Corbett is going to call me tonight and then I'll know if I can go get her tomorrow. Cross your fingers!

Thank you, everyone, for all your prayers and support. I'm so relieved and happy right now!!!! :D

Update: Surgery Tomorrow!

I just received a phone call from Dr. Corbett at MedVet.  She said that Lexie is still doing really well.  Her appetite is good, and  I got a big smile on my face when Dr. Corbett said, "Lexie's still being super sweet, and everyone here just loves her." (God, I miss my Lou so much....)  She also said that she's been in touch with all the specialists, and Lexie's surgery is scheduled for early tomorrow morning (Monday, July 2, 2012).

The one thing Dr. Corbett said that concerned me, though, was that it looks like there may be some bleeding going on under Lexie's skin.  She also said her blood count has been steadily dropping.  It was in the 50's when she first arrived at MedVet Friday night, yesterday it was in the 40's, and right now it's around 35.  Dr. Corbett said that 35 is a perfectly safe level, but if it continues to drop they may need to do another transfusion.  With all of that said, I think I am actually more worried about the bleeding and dropping blood count than Dr. Corbett.  I told her it worries me because it means Lou's blood still isn't clotting, so I'm worried about when they remove her gauze.  Dr. Corbett said, "We're expecting a bloody mess no matter what when we operate tomorrow.  So, we're fully prepared..."  Then, I couldn't resist asking her how confident she was that Lexie will make it through her surgery.  She couldn't make any guarantees, of course, but Dr. Corbett sounds pretty confident that they will be able to successfully stop Lexie's bleeding during her surgery tomorrow, and that she'll recover just fine.  I've had too many disappointments during this past month to allow my hopes to get up too high, but it does make me feel good to hear that confidence in Dr. Corbett's voice.

As for my request for donations to help raise money to pay for Lexie's surgery on Monday, which Dr. Corbett estimated could cost anywhere from $1200 to $2000, I have been BLOWN AWAY by the amount of well wishes and donations I have received so far.  As of right now, I have received almost $600.00 in donations! I am so humbled by the kindness of generosity of friends, family, acquaintances, and even total strangers that I truly do not have the words to express my gratitude.  I'm not kidding when I say that I am blown away.  "Thank you" doesn't even begin to cover it, but thank you, everyone.  Thank you SO very much.

Please remember to keep Lexie in your thoughts and prayers as she goes into surgery tomorrow morning.  I will, of course, give an update as soon as I receive word from Dr. Corbett.

And So, It Has Come to This....

I never did get the definite answers I was hoping for from anyone at MedVet today, but here's the current situation/plan:  Lexie is stable and doing well.  She's eating and drinking (a lot, from what I'm told), and she's calm.  Her blood work so far has all come back normal, but Dr. Corbett said that whenever a dog receives a blood transfusion it's important to keep monitoring their blood counts.  Lou's incisions look pretty good, although there has been a little oozing from each eye.  Both Dr. Corbett and Dr. Miller acted like that was pretty normal, though.

The big issue, of course, is the fact that the gauze that is currently packed in Lexie's wounds needs to come out, but the question is when?  Dr. Corbett said that the gauze may actually be helping her blood clot right now, so they're afraid to take them out right away.  Her recommendation was to leave Lexie there at MedVet over the weekend so that they could continue to monitor her blood counts and keep her wounds clean, as well as watch for signs of infection in case her body starts to reject the gauze.  Then, they'd like to schedule her for surgery to remove the gauze on Monday, which is when all the other specialists will be on site, just in case any complications arise.  

I loved the sound of this plan, of course, but I was nervous to ask her how much it would cost.  (Keep in mind, at this point I have spent over $2,200 on Lexie's medical care, some of which has either been borrowed or generously donated by family.)  Dr. Corbett estimated that the surgery to remove Lexie's gauze is going to cost anywhere from $1200 to $2000.

I was immediately in tears.  I can't believe I've spent over $2,200 to get Lou ALL the way to this point, and yet she still needs one FINAL surgery.  Dr. Corbett sounded confident that, with all the specialists on site, Lexie has a good chance of making it through her surgery, and then she should be fine, but it's going to cost me up to another $2000, which may as well be $2 million at this point because I have NO idea how I'm going to come up with it!  Regardless, I told Dr. Corbett that I would leave Lexie in their care over the weekend and just somehow "figure out a way" to come up with the money to pay for her surgery.

So, my friends, it has come to this:  I am now accepting donations to help pay for Lexie's surgery, which is supposed to be scheduled for Monday, July 2, 2012.  Please understand how much I HATE asking anyone for help financially, but I've reached the point of desperation.  I cannot begin to tell you how much I will appreciate any amount you are able/willing to contribute, even if it's $5.  If you aren't able to help financially, I will equally appreciate all the prayers, good vibes, etc. that you can send our way.   In either case, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

Back to Ohio

Just about an hour after I posted my last blog about Lexie having Von Willenbrand's disease, Dr. Ellis called to tell me that not only was Lexie starting to bleed again (through all the gauze that they had packed in her wounds), but her latest blood work indicated that she DOESN'T have VW disease. Therefore, Dr. Ellis recommended we rush her back to MedVet in Worthington, Ohio to see another specialist who could hopefully diagnose the reason why her blood wasn't clotting. Dr. Ellis gave me another option of letting Lexie spend the night in our local ER for observation, but she was worried that Lou might not make it through the night. Because Justin had agreed to make up the hours he'd taken off work to be with me that day, he wouldn't be able to go to Ohio with me. So, I called my brother, Zach, and thankfully he agreed to go with me. I was terrified, however, to drive Lexie 3 hours to MedVet in her condition, and even Dr. Ellis said there was a chance Lou might not make it there. However, Dr. Ellis said that she felt the risk might be worth it because the specialists at MedVet would be much better at diagnosing her.

I should probably back up a little bit and explain that the issue was that Dr. Ellis and Dr. Ayers had to pack Lexie's eye sockets with gauze in order to slow the bleeding after her enucleation surgery, which means the gauze still has to be removed. So, the worry is that even if the bleeding stops right now, it could possibly start again when the wounds are re-opened and the gauze is removed. Therefore, we need to find out what's preventing her blood from clotting so we can fix it before unpacking her wounds.

Ok, so Zach and I went to pick up Lexie from Animal Care Clinic. I was afraid of how she'd look, but it was actually much better than I had expected. Dr. Ellis had wrapped Lou's head and eyes really well, and Lexie was even up and moving around. She was still my Lou, too, which pleased me more than I can even tell you. I had expected her to be this pitiful, lethargic, bleeding, dying, Franken-Dobie, but she wasn't anything close to that. I sat in the back seat with Lou as Zach drove us to Ohio. I am usually very careful about the speed limit, but I told Zach I didn't care if he got pulled over because we were racing against time at that point. 

Well, wouldn't you know that apparently the Storm of the Century just HAD to come through Ohio and WV right at that moment? Although we lucked out and only drove through heavy wind and some rain, the rest of Ohio was hit HARD. During the entire drive through half the state, we saw downed trees, branches, and the majority of towns we drove through were without power. The whole time, Lexie was so good. She just laid down beside me and slept most of the way. She was breathing pretty hard, though, which worried me, and I kept a close eye on her breathing the entire time. Then, when we were about an hour away from MedVet, we hit stand still traffic. After about 30 minutes of not moving, I started to panic, but then we finally started to move again. Just as we were about to take the exit to 270 toward Columbus, the exit was shut down! We ended up having to re-route through some town that had a billion stop lights, but the power was out so we had to do a four-way stop at every single one! I seriously thought I might have a heart attack at that point. 

Finally, 4 hours after we left Huntington, we arrived at MedVet. When I got Lexie out of the car, I could see a spot of blood where her head had been resting. They took her straight back, though, so I was relieved she was at least receiving medical attention. However, I told Zach when we sat in the waiting room that I wasn't expecting good news.

 When we finally spoke to the vet on duty that night, Dr. Miller, I was both relieved and surprised when she told me Lexie looked good and seemed stable. She said she wanted to do a blood panel since Lexie had had a transfusion that day and keep her overnight for observation. Then, in the morning, Lexie would be seen by an internal medicine specialist who could try to figure out why her blood won't clot. It was after midnight at that point, and Zach and I were both too tired to drive, so we got a room at a nearby hotel.

I called MedVet first thing this morning and they said Lexie did well through the night and all of her blood work looked good. So, now I'm just waiting to hear from the other specialist after he has a chance to examine her. I'm crossing my fingers for some actual answers today.

Surgical Complications

If you're religious, I'm asking for prayers.  If you're not religious or of some different religion/faith, I'm asking for good vibes, VERY positive thoughts, chants, or whatever you can do to help my Lou survive this surgery.

Dr. Ellis called me a little before 1:00 p.m. to tell me that there had been a complication during Lexie's enucleation procedure, and I could tell by the tone of her voice that it was serious.  She said that Lou has Von Willebrand's disease, which is a blood clotting disorder found commonly in Dobermans.  Apparently, this blood disorder can develop at any time and is not always detectable on blood tests.  According to www.petmd.com, "Typically the platelet count will be normal (unless your dog has experienced recent, massive bleeding), and coagulation tests will show normal results."

Dr. Ellis said that they were having a hard time getting Lexie's bleeding to stop, but they had called in another local veterinarian, Dr. Ayers, to start working on her.  However, Dr. Ellis did not sound hopeful and even added, "I just wanted you to be aware of what's going on because it's critical.  Lexie has lost a LOT of blood, to the point that she's becoming weak...."  She told me that they were prepared to give her a transfusion if necessary, and told me to keep my phone close by.

I was covering the front office when I received this devastating phone call, and it was all I could do to try to hold myself together because there were patients in our waiting room.  Thank goodness my boss just happened to walk up front at that time, because as soon as I saw her I said, "I'm sorry, but I need to go."  I told her what was happening, and she said it was okay for me to take off the rest of the day.

I drove straight home, still trying to hold it together, because I felt like I was going to explode, and I didn't want to do that in the tiny waiting room at Animal Care Clinic.  Besides, they were still working on Lexie, so it's not like I could go back and see her anyway.  Luckily, Justin was home on his lunch break, and as soon as I walked through the door I cried, "She's dying!" then basically just crumbled to the floor sobbing.  Justin rushed over to me and helped me sit at the bottom of our stairs, then asked what was going on.  As I was explaining the situation to him, Dr. Ellis called back.  She said that they had begun a blood transfusion and would keep me posted.


Justin, unfortunately, had to get back to work, but he managed to work it out with his employer so that he could come home and make up his hours tomorrow morning.  So, we sat on the couch for what seemed like an eternity waiting for the phone to ring again.  I was in a complete zombie state at that point, just trying to block out all thoughts until I heard back from the vet.  


Finally, Dr. Ellis called around 3:30 p.m. to say that they had given Lexie about a pint of blood, but the only way they could get the bleeding to stop was to pack the wounds.  Dr. Ellis said that she was getting ready to call the local hospitals to see if she could get this stuff (she never told me the name of it or what it is exactly) that will hopefully help Lexie's blood clot.  They are hoping that it will prevent her from bleeding again when they unpack her wounds tomorrow.  


So, that's where it all stands at this point.  Dr. Ellis said that Lexie was resting comfortably, but didn't want me to come see her because she didn't want Lou to get all worked up.  She also said that she'd try to call me with an update later tonight, probably around 10:00 p.m.

Again, I'm asking for LOTS of prayers, good vibes, magic spells, good energy, etc. to help my Lou pull through this.  She's been with me through SO much, and I simply cannot imagine my life without her in it.  At least, not yet, and not like this.