Making Momma Worry

Yeah, I'm worrying a little about my Lou.  She's not eating, she's losing weight, but she's also drinking a TON of water and peeing inside the house.  I thought her increased thirst and decreased appetite might be side effects to her Tramadol (pain medication).  We tried cutting back her pain medication for about a day, but then the following night I noticed she was trembling.  So, we decided we might be trying to ween her off the pain medication too soon and resumed giving her two Tramadol in the morning and two more at night.

As for her desire to eat, it's hard to tell if she's just being picky or if she's genuinely not hungry.  Justin and I ate dinner at restaurants almost every night this past week so that the girls wouldn't smell our food and think that they had any food options other than their own dog food.  Despite our brilliant plan, Lexie never seemed interested in eating her own food.  I got her to nibble some dog food a few nights ago, but it wasn't much, and I didn't see her eat again for two whole days afterwards.  Obviously, this started to worry us, so Justin and I decided last night to give into Lexie's "hunger strike," if that's what it was, to see if she'd eat some people food.  If she turned her nose up at the people food, then we'd know there was a more serious problem happening.

Well, after Lexie anxiously gobbled up an entire package of faux crab meat and two slices of American cheese last night, we've determined that she does still have an appetite after all.  Now, the question is how do we get her to start eating dog food again?!?!  We've thought about buying some canned food and mixing it in with her dry food, but you have to remember that Jocie and Sam are going to want to eat the canned food, too, and canned food is more expensive than dry food.  Therefore, we're kind of afraid to "spoil" them on canned food, as well.  Lexie HAS to eat, though!  She's lost so much weight that I noticed her harness is actually falling off of her now.  She also seems kind of weak on her feet.  

Then, there's the issue of Lexie using the dining room rug as her new toilet.  This is infuriating me, but I have no idea what to do!  The couple of times that I've actually caught her peeing on the rug, I've told her "no," rushed her outside, and then praised her like crazy when she finished peeing in the grass.  I just feel bad yelling at her too much because she drinks a TON of water, so I know she must have to pee a lot, and we're not there at all hours of the day to let her out every time she needs to go.  I'm just worried that maybe this amount of thirst, especially coupled with a decreased appetite, could possibly be a sign that something isn't right.  On the other hand, I'm also worried that she might get into the habit of peeing in the dining room whenever she has to go instead of trying to hold it until I can take her outside.

UUUuuuuuuugggghhhhh!!!!!!  

On a better note, her incisions are looking fantastic.  The swelling over her right eye is looking better and better every day.  Here is a comparison of how she looked Monday compared to how she looked yesterday:

You can see how much the swelling has gone down, and also how her eyes are kind of "sinking in" now.  I just wish I could be happier about the healing progress, but for the time being I'm just too worried about everything else.  She does have an appointment to have her stitches removed this coming Wednesday, though, so I plan to talk about all these concerns with Dr. Ellis.  

Switching to Weekly Updates (Plus, a Funny Little Story)

I meant to mention this in my post yesterday, but since there haven't been any major developments or emergencies with Lexie over the past week (thank GOD!), I probably will not be giving daily updates from this point on, unless something out of the ordinary happens, of course.  Instead, I will probably start posting weekly updates about Lou's recovery and adjustment to her new life as a blind Dobe.  This way, I won't wear you out with boring posts like, "Lexie ate, drank, slept, and used the bathroom a couple times today.  Tune in tomorrow to see what exciting things she does next!" 

I will tell you that the swelling above her right eye is now showing definite signs of improvement, which is quite a relief.  Her left eye must have had a tad bit of swelling, too, which I didn't really notice until yesterday.  It's not that I noticed her left eye was swollen, though, it's more like I've noticed that the swelling must be going away because now her left eye is actually starting to look a little "sunken in."  It's a little weird, I'm not going to lie, but at least her incision in that eye looks really, really good. 

Another weird thing I've noticed is that, even though Lexie no longer has any eyes in her sockets, the muscles around her eyes still move sometimes, as though she's looking around.  In fact, when I first noticed this the other night, it was actually quite a funny moment.  (I'm a little embarrassed to share this, but it's too funny to keep to myself.) 

Now, admittedly, I was a bit tipsy when this happened.  Justin and I were having a nice, relaxing evening at home, and I had probably had two or three glasses of wine by this point.  I decided to use the flashlight app on my iPhone to check Lexie's incisions, and when I held the flashlight up to her face, I noticed her eye muscles move.  Obviously, her eye muscles were probably just reacting to the sensation of something being held close to her face all of a sudden, but in my tipsy state I actually thought that she had reacted to the light.  So, I said to Justin, "Hey, are we sure that Lexie can't see anything?"  (Mind you, her eyeballs have been surgically removed.)  Justin immediately burst into laughter, then quickly regained his composure and said, in a very calm and reassuring manner, "I am absolutely, 100% positive."

Okay, okay, so maybe it wasn't the smartest question I've ever asked, but at least it's given us something to laugh about.  :)

One Week Post-Surgery

Well, we've made it a WHOLE WEEK without having to rush Lexie to the vet!  Hooray!!!  I am also happy to report that, as of this morning, the swelling above Lexie's right eye looks like it may have gone down a tiny bit.  It hasn't improved much, by any means, but some progress is better than no progress.  I'm not worried about it being an abscess, either, because it's not tender, it's not seeping at all, and it doesn't feel warm to the touch.  In fact, her incisions actually look really good!  She's such a good patient, too.  She never protests when I apply a warm compress to her eye, and last night she even let me clean some of the dried scabs off of her cheek and the bridge of her nose without whining or even moving a muscle.  I figure Lexie's been poked and prodded so much at this point that she probably understands that people are actually trying to help her whenever they mess with her face and eyes like that.

As far as adjusting to being blind, Lou is definitely getting around the house a little better than she was a week ago.  She still gets a little lost from time to time, and she still refuses to go out onto the back deck or use the bathroom in the back yard for some unknown reason; however, she does a much better job of finding the water bowl in the kitchen all by herself, and Lexie has even established a preferred route from the kitchen into the living room, which is through the dining room. 

Lexie is also finally becoming more confident about climbing onto the couch, which makes me very happy because that has always been her favorite spot to snuggle and sleep.  For a while, she would only get up on the couch at night, after Justin and I had gone to bed.  We had tried coaxing her onto the sofa with us several times over the last few days, but she would always just lay down by our feet instead.  Then, last night this happened:



I still tear up when I watch that video.  Haha! 

We also decided not to give Lexie any pain medication last night, as she seemed more alert and hasn't really been showing any signs of pain (when we first brought her home, we knew it was time for her pain medication whenever she would kind of start trembling).  Our plan is to cut back on her Tramadol and only give it to her once in the morning because it will help her sleep while we're at work.  If she starts showing any signs of pain, of course, we will give her another dose at night, but I really don't think we'll need to.

So, overall, Lexie's first week of recovery has gone fairly smoothly.  We're still about another week away from being able to have her stitches removed, but in the meantime these are the next signs of progress that I'd like to see:

• I'm hoping that the swelling above Lexie's right eye will greatly improve within the next week.
• I want Lexie to eat better (we're completely cutting out table food for all the girls). 
• I'd love to see Lexie's mood improve.
• We'd eventually like to ween her off the pain medications completely.
• I expect Lexie to become even more familiar with the layout of the house and bump into walls, furniture, etc. much less.

I'm So Exhausted

Last night, Justin and I agreed that the swelling over Lexie’s right eye may have worsened a bit (I photographed her from the left side so you could see how far her right eye incision is bulging out).  Neither of us was very concerned, as we thought she possibly just bonked her head while we were at work, but we thought it might be a good idea to call MedVet anyway.  After all, last Saturday, when a woman from MedVet called to check on Lexie, I mentioned to her that I noticed a tinge of blood in Lexie’s stool that day, and she told me to discontinue Lexie’s anti-inflammatory medication, as that can sometimes cause bowel irritation.  So, Lexie hasn’t been taking her anti-inflammatory medication since last Saturday, and I thought that maybe they would just prescribe her a different kind of anti-inflammatory once I told them that the swelling in her eye had gotten a little worse.

The woman I spoke to last night, Julie, asked me all sorts of questions:  How has Lexie’s appetite been?  Is she drinking water?  Is she going to the bathroom regularly?  How is her mood?  I was able to answer all of these questions with either “good” or “yes.”  Then, Julie asked if the swollen skin around Lexie’s right eye was warm or tender to the touch.  I put her on hold as I felt Lexie’s eye, but I couldn’t really feel a difference in temperature between her right and left eye, and she didn’t act like it bothered her when I touched it.  Then, Julie asked me to take a couple of pictures of Lexie’s eye, email the photos to Dr. Kennedy, Lexie’s soft tissue surgeon, take Lexie’s temperature (note to self: NEVER use the digital Walgreens thermometer EVER again!), and then call her back.

After following Julie’s instructions (Lexie’s temperature was 101.2, which is in the normal range for a dog), she contacted Dr. Kennedy, who reviewed the photos I sent him.  He said it looks like it could just be a seroma, which is normal.  However, if the swollen area becomes tender, if we notice a discharge that looks more like frank blood and not bloody fluid, if there is an odor, or if the discharge looks like pus then we are to bring Lexie back to MedVet because it could be an abscess.

Greeeeeaaaaat. 

 All I could do for the rest of the night was stare at Lexie’s swollen eye.  I went to bed in tears over the possibility of having to take her back to MedVet. 

This morning, the swelling didn’t look any better.  Then, after Lexie bumped her face on the steps while coming back inside after going outside to pee, I noticed a little bit of blood (not bloody fluid) coming from the swollen part of her eye.  I've also noticed that Lou's appetite seems to be diminishing, although Justin thinks she’s just becoming picky because we made the mistake of feeding her a lot of table food when she first came home.  At first, she would eat both table food and dog food, then she stopped eating her dog food, and now she’s even becoming a little picky about table food.  I used to put her medication inside little balls of bread, which she loved, but now she turns her nose every time I offer her the same bread.  Then, I started putting her medication inside these organic peanut butter treats our friends, Zoltan and Sarah, made for her, which Lexie also loved at first, but now she no longer seems interested in them.  This morning, the only way I could get her to take her medication was to put the pills inside rolled up slices of cheese, and even then I felt like I was making her eat them.  Not only that, but she looked kind of shaky and unsteady on her feet while she was walking around this morning (all the more reason for me to worry about her while I’m at work today).

I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take.  My life has basically been CONSUMED with worrying and taking care of Lexie ever since she first became sick at the beginning of June.  In fact, I feel like I no longer have a life of my own. 

I have a large, close group of friends, whom I love.  We would all hang out at least a couple times a week and on the weekends, and when we weren’t hanging out, we would all keep in touch daily via social networking and text messaging.  However, I can’t tell you the last time I sent someone a text or posted anything on Facebook or Twitter that wasn’t Lexie-related.  For that reason, I haven’t really texted anyone or tweeted in a long time because I feel like I’m just wearing everyone out with Lexie stuff at this point, and yet there’s honestly nothing more important to me right now, which is why I can’t even think of anything else to talk about.  I have also turned down several invites to various cook-outs and other random opportunities to hang out because I needed to stay home and take care of Lexie.  I have made time to hang out with my friends on a few occasions over the last couple of weeks, but whenever I do, I feel like I literally have to bite my tongue to keep myself from talking about Lou all night, and I just worry about her the whole time anyway. 

I’ve also fallen behind with my photo editing (I’m a photographer on the side) because of all my trips to Ohio and now having to watch Lexie like a hawk, and my house is a complete wreck for the same reasons.  Justin and I haven’t done anything fun or spent any quality time together since June, either.  Our lives and conversations revolve solely around Lexie.  We’ve got a big beach trip with our friends coming up at the end of August, which normally I’d be super excited about, but this year I’m almost dreading it because I know I’ll just be worrying about Lexie the whole time (she’s going to be staying with Justin’s parents, and she’s not very familiar with them or their house).  Not to mention the fact that I’m the type of person who eats her feelings, so let’s just say that I’m not exactly feeling “bikini-ready” at the moment (all of my work pants are fitting kind of snug lately, which makes me feel awesome.)  In general, I really miss what my life was like before June, 2012. 

With that said, please do not take this little rant to mean that I regret even one single minute of the time I’ve spent taking care of my Lou, because I don’t…at all!  I’m just venting, basically, because I do miss my friends, I do miss having fun, I do miss doing “couple things” with Justin, I do miss not worrying about Lexie 24/7, I do miss feeling comfortable in my clothes, I do miss having at least a little bit of spending money, and I do miss feeling like I’m more on top of things like housework, editing, bills, etc.    

I just want things to feel normal again, but now that I’m sitting here wondering if I’ll be taking Lexie BACK to MedVet soon, it just makes me feel like this TRULY is never going to end.