So, What Now?

Just to recap, the following is a fictitional representation of the actual conversations I've had with veterinarians regarding Lexie since the beginning of June, 2012:

June 5, 2012 - Dr. Corbett:  "Lexie has an eye condition called anterior uveitis, but the good news is that she's not going blind!  Just give her these medications and follow-up in a couple of weeks.  That'll be $300."

June 18, 2012 [Lexie's eyes are worse] - Dr. Lilly:  "Lexie has glaucoma and she could go blind any minute!  Quick, you must rush her to MedVet!  Oh....wait....nevermind.  Dr. Corbett said to just give her these $100 eye drops, and then take her back to MedVet in two days."

June 20, 2012 - Dr. Corbett:  "Remember when I said that Lexie wasn't going blind?  Well, I forgot to mention that she could develop secondary glaucoma and potentially go blind within hours, which is what has happened.  So, we need to figure out what's causing her anterior uveitis because then we can possibly get rid of the glaucoma, too.  Cancer is one of the things that causes anterior uveitis, so let's rule that out.  That'll be another $700 for a chest X-ray, abdominal ultrasound, and blood work, please."  [An hour later.]  "Good news!  Lexie doesn't have cancer!  Therefore, this must be an autoimmune condition.  Give her these new meds and I'll see her again in two weeks."

June 21, 2012 - Lexie officially loses her sight. 

June 25, 2012 - Dr. Ellis:  "I've consulted with Dr. Corbett, and becuase Lexie's eyes haven't reponded to treatment and just keep getting worse, we both recommend enucleation."

June 29, 2012 - Dr. Ellis:  "There has been a surgical complication.  Lexie's blood won't clot.  She must have developed Von Willebrand's disease.  We're going to do a transfusion, but she's in critical condition."  [Two hours later.]  "The only way we could get the bleeding to stop was to pack Lexie's wounds with gauze, but she's now bleeding through those.  Therefore, you need to rush her back to MedVet tonight and pray she doesn't die on the way there.  You'll also need to pay a $1250 deposit when you get there."

July 2, 2012 - Dr. Corbett:  "Good news!  Lexie's surgery to remove the gauze was a success!  We're not really sure if she has Von Willebrand's disease, though, and we noticed an infection has started in her wounds, but we cultured the infection so we'll know exactly what kind of antibiotic to give her when she goes home."

July 3, 2012 - Dr. Corbett:  "Good news!  Lexie is stable and is cleared to go home!  That'll be $2300."

July 4, 2012 (14 hours later) - Lexie's stitches burst in her right eye, and she has to be rushed to the local Animal ER for an overnight stay.

July 5, 2012 - Dr. Lilly:  "Sorry I waited until fifteen minutes before we close to tell you this, but I don't want to stitch Lexie back up, so you're going to have to take her back to MedVet."

July 6, 2012 - Dr. Webb:  "We just got Lexie's cultures back and it turns out that she has TWO different bacterial infections, which are pretty extensive.  No wonder her incision pulled open!   I guess she wasn't "stable" when we sent her home the day after surgery, after all.  Anyway, we're going to need to keep her for another few days and then perform another surgery, but don't worry, we're going to do everything we can to keep the costs as low as possible for you."

July 7, 2012 - Dr. Kennedy:  "How long has Lexie had these swollen mammary glands?  There's a 50/50 chance that those are canerous.  Those are going to need to come off, too.  I don't have a cost estimate for you yet, but don't worry!  We're going to do everything we can to keep the costs as low as possible for you."  (I mentioned that Lexie JUST had an abdominal ultrasound and I was told that they did not show any cancer.)  "Well, it takes billions of cells for even the smallest tumor to show up on imaging, so even though it's GOOD that her ultrasound didn't show any tumors, that doesn't necessarily mean she's cancer-free."

July 8, 2012 - Dr. Sawyer:  "Lexie is responding really well to her new antibiotics, so we're going to push the surgery back until Wednesday.  I don't have a cost estimate for you yet, and I know we just tacked on another three-night stay to your bill, but don't worry!  We're going to do everything we can to keep the costs as low as possible for you."

July 10, 2012 (the day before surgery) - Dr. Sawyer:  "Dr. Kennedy told me to tell you that he was given permission to discount your services, and the cost of Lexie's surgery is going to be ONLY $1800!  That doesn't include the cost of her seven-night stay, though, which will be an additional $1400.  Don't worry, though!  We may still be able to get you more discounts!"

July 11, 2012 - Some random surgical tech:  "Ms. Bell, I'm just calling to let you know that we're getting ready to perform Lexie's incision repair and mastectomies now."  (I hadn't approved the mastectomies yet because I was told "there may be more discounts," which would be the deciding factor as to whether or not I could afford the mastectomies.  I raised a fuss, and they finally agreed to charge me "only" $1800 for all of Lexie's services over the last seven days, including the mastectomies.)

July 13, 2012 - Lexie comes home.

July 23, 2012 - Dr. Kennedy:  "I just got Lexie's biopsy results.  She has Stage III mammary cancer.  The size of the tumors worries me, though, because they were both pretty large.  There is a 50/50 chance that in 12-15 months another tumor will appear.  You can speak to Oncology about chemo options if you'd like, but they will charge you for the consultation."


In summary, I guess that cancer was the cause of Lexie's anterior uveitis after all, but here's my main question:  If Lexie's TWO mammary tumors were "so large" that Dr. Kennedy is concerned about metastases, then why didn't those two large tumors show up on her abominal ultrasound?  If I had been told on June 20 that her ultrasound revealed Stage III mammary carcinoma and that there was a 50/50 chance that I would have to euthanize her in 12-15 months, I'm not so sure that I would have chosen to have her eyes surgically removed, which would have saved her from having to go through THREE different surgeries and a very difficult recovery (not to mention the thousands of dollars for which I am now in debt).  It also would have saved her the stress and depression that has resulted from her sudden blindness. 

However, I also cannot say for certain that I would have chosen to put Lexie down instead of going through with the enucleation if I had known she had cancer.  It definitely would have been a very difficult decision, but you also have to keep in mind that, at that point, I wouldn't have known that so many other complications were going to result from the initial enucleation surgery (blood clotting issues, infections, two more surgeries, etc.). 

With all of that said, I strongly doubt that I would have chosen to spend so much money just so Lexie could spend her final days adjusting to sudden blindness.  If I had chosen to euthanize her a month ago, I would have at least been at peace knowing that Lexie lived a very full, VERY happy life up until that point.  As it stands right now, I simply don't know how well Lexie is going to adjust to being blind, or how much time she has left.  So far, she's had a difficult time with both recovery and adjusting to blindness.  Her appetite is poor, she's weak, she rarely looks happy, and she has no energy.  If these things don't improve before the time comes when I have to make the decision to put her down (whenever that may be), I will always regret with all my heart that Lexie spent her final days being scared, sad, depressed, weak, in pain, and blind. 

So, what do I do?  I have had several people ask how much her chemotherapy treatments would cost and suggest that I try to do another fundraiser to pay for it, but my heart and my gut are both telling me not to do that.  For one, it took everything I had in me to swallow my pride and ask for donations the last time, and now I just feel horrible that so many people gave so generously to help save Lexie's life, only to find out later that she has cancer.  Besides, Lexie has already been through SO much, and I'm not sure how much fight she's got left in her to go through chemotherapy treatments.  For that reason, I feel like I'd rather just try to make her as happy as possible for as long as I possibly can, rather than keep driving her six hours back and forth to MedVet for however often she needs chemo treatments.

The travel that would be involved is actually another reason why I don't feel like chemotherapy is the best option.  I have already put a TON of miles on my little Prius, and I even had to buy new front tires before our last trip to Ohio because the ones I had been driving on were so bald.  Not only that, but traveling that far that often is just grueling for both us and Lou. I'm not saying that it wouldn't be worth it if it meant saving Lexie's life, but the fact of the matter is that there is no guarantee that her treatments would be a success.  I'm also not even sure that Lexie would be able to receive her treatments on the weekends, as most of the specialists at MedVet only work Monday through Friday.  If that's the case, I definitely couldn't take off work that often. 

Pretty much the only way I would be able to even consider putting Lexie through chemotherapy would be if I won the lottery, or if some other lottery winner came to our rescue, because it would require Justin and I quitting our jobs so that we could move closer to MedVet, finding a place to live that would allow us to have three big dogs, and also being able to afford Lexie's cancer treatments, which I'm sure are very expensive.  Unfortunately, I don't foresee any of that happening, so I feel like the best option is to try to make Lexie as comfortable and happy as possible for the rest of her days here with us. 

So, on that note, I do have some good news in regard to Lexie's recovery.  Since she enjoyed her solo adventure to Justin's parents' house and the car ride home so much on Sunday, we decided to take her on another little adventure yesterday evening.  She got in the car all by herself, which made me happy, although she wasn't as interested in looking out the window this time.  She just laid in the back seat as Justin drove us down to Camden Park, which is on the other side of town, so that I could scout shooting locations for a photo session I've got coming up.  Then, we drove to Kroger's so that Justin could buy Lexie some hot dogs and baby carrots (she gobbled up a hot dog that morning, and baby carrots have always been one of her favorite treats).  While Justin was in the store, Lexie and I took a walk along the grassy edge of the parking lot.  It was a hot evening and she was panting, but I really felt like Lexie was enjoying her "adventure walk."  When we returned home, Lexie ate not one, but TWO hot dogs!  Justin had bought some vitamins for senior dogs while he was at the store, and he managed to get her to eat a couple of those,  and since we were on a roll, I decided to also give Lexie her "hippy medicine," AgariGold and mangosteen juice, which Dr. Wagner from the Integrative Medicine department at MedVet had given Lexie to help boost her immune system and energy levels.  (I'm going to seriously start looking into holistic cancer treatments for dogs, by the way.)

By the end of the day, Lexie was pretty tired, but she had a full belly and seemed happy, which is all I can ask for.  This morning, I was also very pleased because she seemed a little bit stronger than she had the day before.  She was more steady on her feet, seemed more alert, and even had a decent poop!  (It's hilarious how excited we get over Lexie's bowel movements these days.)  We've decided to try weening her off her pain medication again, too.  She didn't have any last night and seems okay so far, so I didn't give her any this morning, either.  Justin will check on her during his lunch break today, and if he thinks she could use some pain medication he's going to give her one pill instead of two.

So, basically, I'm going to try to stay focused on the positive things that happen day-to-day, rather than stay focussed on the fact that, oh my God, Lexie has cancer!  I'm still angry and heartbroken about it, and I probably always will be, but wallowing in sorrow isn't going to help either of us.  So, for Lou's sake, and for the sake of all the kind people who have been so supportive and encouraging, Justin and I are now going to do everything we possibly can to help Lexie fully recover from her surgeries so that she can continue to live the happiest life possible from here on out, even if it means feeding her hot dogs for every meal and driving her around the neighborhood for a couple of hours every evening.  :)

Horrible News

I just got a call from Dr. Kennedy at MedVet.  Lexie's biopsies came back from her double-mastectomy.  She has Stage III mammary carcinoma.  All of the details are a blur to me right now, but Dr. Kennedy said something about her type of cancer affecting the vascular and lymphatic systems.  He also said there is a 50/50 chance that another tumor will either come back in her mammary glands or appear elsewhere within 12-15 months. 

He said that I could speak to someone in their Oncology department about possibly starting chemotherapy, but I know there is no possible way I could afford to give her chemotherapy treatments after already spending thousands of dollars on her eye treatments and surgeries.  Not only that, but there is a consultation charge just to speak with Oncology about chemo options for Lou. 

I'm too shaken up to really talk any more about this.  All I can tell you is that right now I'm heartbroken and angry.  I'm angry that they weren't able to see a Stage III carcinoma on her X-rays, abdominal ultrasound, or any blood work.  If they had, I probably wouldn't have put her through all of these surgeries and racked up another $2000 in debt on my brother's Care Credit account.  I don't mean that to sound cold or sound like all I'm thinking about is money, because it absolutely isn't.  It's just one of the things I'm so angry about right now.  Mainly, I'm feeling horrible for putting Lexie through all of this.  Recovery has not been easy on her, or any of us, and now it doesn't even feel like "recovery."  It feels more like I'm putting us all through torture.  I thought that this tough recovery period would be 100% worth it once she was all better and was able to adjust to her new life as a blind Dobe, but now....

A Good Ending to a Bad Day

Yesterday evening, Justin and I took Lexie up to his parents' house without her sisters.  We thought maybe the little solo adventure might raise her spirits.  However, as usual, when she got into the back seat of the car, she just laid down and didn't even bother sticking her head out the window. 

When we got to his parents' house, she did really well navigating through the unfamiliar environment, and was even kind of lovey with Justin's folks, which kind of surprised me since she's only been around them maybe twice before.  We had brought some of her canned food with us because we were hoping that the excitement might spark her appetite a little, but she wasn't interested in the dog food at all.  As we were eating the delicious chicken enchiladas that Justin's mother had made for dinner, however, Lexie seemed to perk up a bit.  She seemed interested in the smell of our dinner, so finally Justin said he was going to give her his leftovers to see if she'd eat.  Boy, did she ever!  In fact, she seemed to enjoy the enchiladas so much that Justin's mother told him to go fix her another plate, which Lexie also eagerly gobbled up!  I cannot tell you how happy this made me.  :)

After we ate dinner, we went out to the back yard for a little impromptu photo session.  (Disclaimer:  Justin did not want to be a photo because he is several months past due for a haircut, but we all insisted he be in at least one.)

After taking photos, we went back inside to visit for a bit, and Lexie made herself right at home.  I don't know how she knew that Justin's mother had laid out a big comforter on the living room floor for her, but Lexie walked right over to it and plopped down.  In fact, when it was time to go, I had a hard time getting her off the comforter to put on her harness.  I don't think she wanted to leave!

The best part of the evening, though, was the ride home.  Once again, we rolled down the windows for Lexie, but expected her to just lay down in the back seat.  Instead, I turned around to find her doing this:

She was smiling with her head out the back window!!!  Justin and I were beaming!  In fact, we circled the block three more times just because we didn't want her to stop smiling.  I tried to grab a photo of her with my Nikon, but by the time I had it set up she had relaxed a little and wasn't as smiley.  She still looks very happy and peaceful, though:

Needless to say, Lexie was pretty worn out after such an exciting evening.  She barely even noticed when our friends came over to watch HBO shows.  However, she did let out a few of her signature moans and groans to let people know that she would like to be rubbed and pet, which also made me smile.  At one point, Sam laid down near Lexie on the floor, and Lexie kept moaning and wiggling closer and closer to Sam.  She wanted to cuddle with her so badly!  Finally, she made her way over to Sam's paws and laid her chin on them, and that seemed to be enough to satisfy her cuddle needs:

I went to bed a very happy momma last night.  This morning, Lexie still didn't want to eat very much, but I managed to get her to take her antibiotics and one Tramadol.  I asked Justin to see if he could get her to eat some more, and I told him I was going to leave it up to him whether or not to give her another Tramadol (her usual dose is two every 8-12 hours, but we really would like to start weening her, as I'm curious if the pain medication is contributing to her decreased appetite and general shakiness/weakness). 

She seemed pretty alert this morning, though.  While I had her outside on her leash, I noticed a girl walking towards us in the distance.  I didn't want to make eye contact with the girl when she walked by us, though, because I was afraid she may stop to talk to us and then Lexie would bark at her.  So, I just kept talking to Lou as the girl approached, and I noticed that Lexie was sort of "watching" her as she walked by.  I thought, "Wow!  That's pretty amazing.  She didn't even try to bark!"  So, I glanced up at the walker, and it turned out to be Kristy, who was standing there looking kind of offended that I was ignoring her.  I laughed and apologized, explaining that I didn't recognize her from a distance and also explaining why I was trying not to make eye contact.  As Kristy and I were speaking, Lexie started walking towards her.  When she reached Kristy's legs, she gave her a little "Dobe hug" to her shins, which kind of melted me a little.  Lexie really does love Kristy.  (Please check out Kristy's blog, which is full of nutrition, fitness, and even financial tips, as well as some funny little stories about her day-to-day happenings.)

Anyway, what I'm learning is that there are probably going to be "good days" and "bad days" for quite a while until all this dust finally settles.  I was expecting more of a steady progression from "bad" to "good" days during Lexie's recovery process, but it just doesn't seem to be working out that way.  If only all of her bad days could end as well as yesterday.  Here's hoping they will from now on.  :)

Still Not Eating

Yesterday evening, I decided to take Lexie for a ride to the store to get her some canned dog food.  I thought the car ride might lift her spirits, but she immediately laid down in the back seat and didn't even try to look out the windows.  I was afraid she might panic a little while I ran into the store, but she didn't even get up.  I decided to try to feed her some of the Purina One Lamb and Rice canned food right there in the car because I knew if I tried to feed it to her when we got home, Jocie and Sam would probably try to eat it out from under her. So, I sat in the back seat and held the opened can as she licked and nibbled at it.  She actually ate about 3/4 of the can, which made me VERY happy.

A little later that night, after I took Lexie out to pee, I decided to try feeding her the rest of the canned food.  Once again, she licked and nibbled at it until there was only a tiny bit left, and I was very pleased.  However, when I tried to feed her her evening dose of pain medication in a couple of Greenies Pill Pockets, which she normally loves, she turned up her nose and wouldn't eat them.  I decided to wait a few minutes, then tried again, but she still wouldn't eat them.  I tried putting the pills in a piece of the crab meat she loved so much the night before, but she turned her nose up at that, as well.  Finally, when Justin returned home a couple hours later, he managed to get her to eat her Tramadol by putting the pills in some tuna.  We were also able to coax Lexie onto the couch, although her back legs were so weak that I had to hoist her up.

When I got up around 8:00 this morning, I got Lexie up and ready to take her outside to pee.  However, she stopped at the front door and seemed very hesitant to go down the front steps.  This was new.  She hasn't had any problems going down the front steps ever since she came home from MedVet.  She seems very weak right now, though, and I think she was afraid of stumbling down the steps.  She finally came down, although she used a pretty inventive new "side-step" technique, but hey, whatever works.

After she came back inside, after much coaxing to get  her to walk back up the steps, I tried feeding her a half a can of food.  She nibbled at it a little bit, but barely ate more than about 1/4 of a can.  She needed to take her antibiotics and pain medication, but no matter what I tried, she wouldn't eat them.  Finally, I decided to wake Justin up to see if he had any ideas.  (Lexie was trembling a little and I worried that she was in pain, which may be causing her weakness and lack of appetite.) Justin put her medications inside cut up pieces of hot dogs, which thankfully she ate without any protest.  Then, Justin laid down beside Lexie to pet her a little, and a few minutes later I found my two babies cuddled up together sound asleep:

A little later, Justin and I decided to go to Petco to see if we could find a type of dog food that was suggested to me on my previous post, and to see if anyone at the pet store might have any other suggestions for helping Lexie's appetite.  Well, they didn't have exactly what we were looking for, but the Petco employee suggested we try Vita Gravy over Lexie's regular dog food.  I also bought two sample sizes of Natural Balance dog food rolls to see if she'll like them.

When we returned home, Justin tried to take Lexie out to pee, but once again she hesitated at the front steps.  In fact, it took her so long to go down the front steps that as soon as she reached the bottom, she just peed right there on the sidewalk.  Justin tried walking her around a little bit, but she was very shaky, and at one point she kind of just gave up and laid down in the grass.  She also wouldn't eat when we tried to feed her after she came back inside.

So, at this point I'm very worried.  It would be one thing if she just wasn't eating very much, but it's the fact that she's so weak that's upsetting me.   Justin and I are going to take Lou up to his parents' house a little later this evening.  I'm hoping that her pain medication will be worn off enough at that point that she'll feel like eating a little.  I'm also hoping that going on a little adventure to their house without her sisters might perk her up some.   Either way, I'm probably going to call MedVet tomorrow to let them know that she's not eating and she's getting weak.  After all, they still haven't called me with the biopsy results from her mastectomies yet.

:(

Switching to Weekly Updates (Plus, a Funny Little Story)

I meant to mention this in my post yesterday, but since there haven't been any major developments or emergencies with Lexie over the past week (thank GOD!), I probably will not be giving daily updates from this point on, unless something out of the ordinary happens, of course.  Instead, I will probably start posting weekly updates about Lou's recovery and adjustment to her new life as a blind Dobe.  This way, I won't wear you out with boring posts like, "Lexie ate, drank, slept, and used the bathroom a couple times today.  Tune in tomorrow to see what exciting things she does next!" 

I will tell you that the swelling above her right eye is now showing definite signs of improvement, which is quite a relief.  Her left eye must have had a tad bit of swelling, too, which I didn't really notice until yesterday.  It's not that I noticed her left eye was swollen, though, it's more like I've noticed that the swelling must be going away because now her left eye is actually starting to look a little "sunken in."  It's a little weird, I'm not going to lie, but at least her incision in that eye looks really, really good. 

Another weird thing I've noticed is that, even though Lexie no longer has any eyes in her sockets, the muscles around her eyes still move sometimes, as though she's looking around.  In fact, when I first noticed this the other night, it was actually quite a funny moment.  (I'm a little embarrassed to share this, but it's too funny to keep to myself.) 

Now, admittedly, I was a bit tipsy when this happened.  Justin and I were having a nice, relaxing evening at home, and I had probably had two or three glasses of wine by this point.  I decided to use the flashlight app on my iPhone to check Lexie's incisions, and when I held the flashlight up to her face, I noticed her eye muscles move.  Obviously, her eye muscles were probably just reacting to the sensation of something being held close to her face all of a sudden, but in my tipsy state I actually thought that she had reacted to the light.  So, I said to Justin, "Hey, are we sure that Lexie can't see anything?"  (Mind you, her eyeballs have been surgically removed.)  Justin immediately burst into laughter, then quickly regained his composure and said, in a very calm and reassuring manner, "I am absolutely, 100% positive."

Okay, okay, so maybe it wasn't the smartest question I've ever asked, but at least it's given us something to laugh about.  :)

One Week Post-Surgery

Well, we've made it a WHOLE WEEK without having to rush Lexie to the vet!  Hooray!!!  I am also happy to report that, as of this morning, the swelling above Lexie's right eye looks like it may have gone down a tiny bit.  It hasn't improved much, by any means, but some progress is better than no progress.  I'm not worried about it being an abscess, either, because it's not tender, it's not seeping at all, and it doesn't feel warm to the touch.  In fact, her incisions actually look really good!  She's such a good patient, too.  She never protests when I apply a warm compress to her eye, and last night she even let me clean some of the dried scabs off of her cheek and the bridge of her nose without whining or even moving a muscle.  I figure Lexie's been poked and prodded so much at this point that she probably understands that people are actually trying to help her whenever they mess with her face and eyes like that.

As far as adjusting to being blind, Lou is definitely getting around the house a little better than she was a week ago.  She still gets a little lost from time to time, and she still refuses to go out onto the back deck or use the bathroom in the back yard for some unknown reason; however, she does a much better job of finding the water bowl in the kitchen all by herself, and Lexie has even established a preferred route from the kitchen into the living room, which is through the dining room. 

Lexie is also finally becoming more confident about climbing onto the couch, which makes me very happy because that has always been her favorite spot to snuggle and sleep.  For a while, she would only get up on the couch at night, after Justin and I had gone to bed.  We had tried coaxing her onto the sofa with us several times over the last few days, but she would always just lay down by our feet instead.  Then, last night this happened:



I still tear up when I watch that video.  Haha! 

We also decided not to give Lexie any pain medication last night, as she seemed more alert and hasn't really been showing any signs of pain (when we first brought her home, we knew it was time for her pain medication whenever she would kind of start trembling).  Our plan is to cut back on her Tramadol and only give it to her once in the morning because it will help her sleep while we're at work.  If she starts showing any signs of pain, of course, we will give her another dose at night, but I really don't think we'll need to.

So, overall, Lexie's first week of recovery has gone fairly smoothly.  We're still about another week away from being able to have her stitches removed, but in the meantime these are the next signs of progress that I'd like to see:

• I'm hoping that the swelling above Lexie's right eye will greatly improve within the next week.
• I want Lexie to eat better (we're completely cutting out table food for all the girls). 
• I'd love to see Lexie's mood improve.
• We'd eventually like to ween her off the pain medications completely.
• I expect Lexie to become even more familiar with the layout of the house and bump into walls, furniture, etc. much less.

I'm So Exhausted

Last night, Justin and I agreed that the swelling over Lexie’s right eye may have worsened a bit (I photographed her from the left side so you could see how far her right eye incision is bulging out).  Neither of us was very concerned, as we thought she possibly just bonked her head while we were at work, but we thought it might be a good idea to call MedVet anyway.  After all, last Saturday, when a woman from MedVet called to check on Lexie, I mentioned to her that I noticed a tinge of blood in Lexie’s stool that day, and she told me to discontinue Lexie’s anti-inflammatory medication, as that can sometimes cause bowel irritation.  So, Lexie hasn’t been taking her anti-inflammatory medication since last Saturday, and I thought that maybe they would just prescribe her a different kind of anti-inflammatory once I told them that the swelling in her eye had gotten a little worse.

The woman I spoke to last night, Julie, asked me all sorts of questions:  How has Lexie’s appetite been?  Is she drinking water?  Is she going to the bathroom regularly?  How is her mood?  I was able to answer all of these questions with either “good” or “yes.”  Then, Julie asked if the swollen skin around Lexie’s right eye was warm or tender to the touch.  I put her on hold as I felt Lexie’s eye, but I couldn’t really feel a difference in temperature between her right and left eye, and she didn’t act like it bothered her when I touched it.  Then, Julie asked me to take a couple of pictures of Lexie’s eye, email the photos to Dr. Kennedy, Lexie’s soft tissue surgeon, take Lexie’s temperature (note to self: NEVER use the digital Walgreens thermometer EVER again!), and then call her back.

After following Julie’s instructions (Lexie’s temperature was 101.2, which is in the normal range for a dog), she contacted Dr. Kennedy, who reviewed the photos I sent him.  He said it looks like it could just be a seroma, which is normal.  However, if the swollen area becomes tender, if we notice a discharge that looks more like frank blood and not bloody fluid, if there is an odor, or if the discharge looks like pus then we are to bring Lexie back to MedVet because it could be an abscess.

Greeeeeaaaaat. 

 All I could do for the rest of the night was stare at Lexie’s swollen eye.  I went to bed in tears over the possibility of having to take her back to MedVet. 

This morning, the swelling didn’t look any better.  Then, after Lexie bumped her face on the steps while coming back inside after going outside to pee, I noticed a little bit of blood (not bloody fluid) coming from the swollen part of her eye.  I've also noticed that Lou's appetite seems to be diminishing, although Justin thinks she’s just becoming picky because we made the mistake of feeding her a lot of table food when she first came home.  At first, she would eat both table food and dog food, then she stopped eating her dog food, and now she’s even becoming a little picky about table food.  I used to put her medication inside little balls of bread, which she loved, but now she turns her nose every time I offer her the same bread.  Then, I started putting her medication inside these organic peanut butter treats our friends, Zoltan and Sarah, made for her, which Lexie also loved at first, but now she no longer seems interested in them.  This morning, the only way I could get her to take her medication was to put the pills inside rolled up slices of cheese, and even then I felt like I was making her eat them.  Not only that, but she looked kind of shaky and unsteady on her feet while she was walking around this morning (all the more reason for me to worry about her while I’m at work today).

I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take.  My life has basically been CONSUMED with worrying and taking care of Lexie ever since she first became sick at the beginning of June.  In fact, I feel like I no longer have a life of my own. 

I have a large, close group of friends, whom I love.  We would all hang out at least a couple times a week and on the weekends, and when we weren’t hanging out, we would all keep in touch daily via social networking and text messaging.  However, I can’t tell you the last time I sent someone a text or posted anything on Facebook or Twitter that wasn’t Lexie-related.  For that reason, I haven’t really texted anyone or tweeted in a long time because I feel like I’m just wearing everyone out with Lexie stuff at this point, and yet there’s honestly nothing more important to me right now, which is why I can’t even think of anything else to talk about.  I have also turned down several invites to various cook-outs and other random opportunities to hang out because I needed to stay home and take care of Lexie.  I have made time to hang out with my friends on a few occasions over the last couple of weeks, but whenever I do, I feel like I literally have to bite my tongue to keep myself from talking about Lou all night, and I just worry about her the whole time anyway. 

I’ve also fallen behind with my photo editing (I’m a photographer on the side) because of all my trips to Ohio and now having to watch Lexie like a hawk, and my house is a complete wreck for the same reasons.  Justin and I haven’t done anything fun or spent any quality time together since June, either.  Our lives and conversations revolve solely around Lexie.  We’ve got a big beach trip with our friends coming up at the end of August, which normally I’d be super excited about, but this year I’m almost dreading it because I know I’ll just be worrying about Lexie the whole time (she’s going to be staying with Justin’s parents, and she’s not very familiar with them or their house).  Not to mention the fact that I’m the type of person who eats her feelings, so let’s just say that I’m not exactly feeling “bikini-ready” at the moment (all of my work pants are fitting kind of snug lately, which makes me feel awesome.)  In general, I really miss what my life was like before June, 2012. 

With that said, please do not take this little rant to mean that I regret even one single minute of the time I’ve spent taking care of my Lou, because I don’t…at all!  I’m just venting, basically, because I do miss my friends, I do miss having fun, I do miss doing “couple things” with Justin, I do miss not worrying about Lexie 24/7, I do miss feeling comfortable in my clothes, I do miss having at least a little bit of spending money, and I do miss feeling like I’m more on top of things like housework, editing, bills, etc.    

I just want things to feel normal again, but now that I’m sitting here wondering if I’ll be taking Lexie BACK to MedVet soon, it just makes me feel like this TRULY is never going to end. 

An ER-Free Weekend!

That's right, we made it through the entire weekend without an emergency trip to the ER!  Woo hoo!  Lexie's incisions barely even had any oozing yesterday.  (By the way, I wish there was another word I could use besides "oozing," because that just sounds so gross to me, but I really don't know what else to call it.) 

Sam has continued to be a little pouty, but usually only when Lexie is actively receiving more attention than her, especially from Justin.  For example, I took these photos yesterday of Justin giving Lexie a little bit of lovin's and also helping her eat (it's difficult for Lou to reach the food in her new elevated bowl when she's wearing her E-collar, so we have to kind of tilt the bowl towards her so she can get the food):

After I took those photos, I turned around to find Sam laying on the couch in full-pout mode as she watched HER Justin giving Lexie all of his attention:

Yes, I know.  She's pitiful.  Don't let her fool you, though.  Sam knows what she's doing.  She knows that as soon as we see her in such a pitiful state, she will immediately receive some undivided attention from either or both of us, which is exactly what happened after I took that photo of her.  At least she's just being pouty in order to receive attention, though, and she's not actually being resentful toward Lexie.  Just a few moments after the above photo was taken, I found Sam curled up with Lexie in the new doggy bed:

Earlier, I had experienced another "awwwww" moment when Zach and Kristy came over to watch True Blood.  Lexie loves Kristy, who was her running partner before Lexie went blind, and Kristy loves Lexie.  So, as soon as Lexie heard Kristy's voice last night, she got up from her doggy bed and tried to find her.  Kristy had followed Zach into the laundry room and didn't realize Lexie was looking for her, but I watched silently from the couch as Lexie found her way through the kitchen all by herself and finally reached Kristy.  When Kristy felt Lexie kind of run into the back of her legs, she spun around and said, "Hi, Lou!" then bent down to pet her.  As I saw Lexie do the infamous "Dobe lean" into Kristy's arms (the equivalent of a human hug for Dobermans), I immediately teared up. 

The best moment of the night, though, came when Justin and I were taking care of Lexie before bed.  While administering her last dose of pain meds for the night and making sure her E-collar was secure, both Sam and Jocie came over to "help" me and Justin tuck Lou in:

All in all, it was a very good, drama-free weekend at our house...for a change!  We've still got a long road ahead of us, as right now we're just sort of in the initial "stitches-watching" phase, which is going to last about another week and a half until her stitches come out.  Then, we can REALLY dive into helping Lexie adjust by taking her on walks with her sisters, trying new games, and just working with her in general to help her become as independent as possible.

A Little Forward and a Little Backward

I'm definitely considering Lexie's unwillingness to go into the back yard to use the bathroom a step backward for now.  I don't understand it.  She managed to find her way around the back yard before her enucleation (when she first went blind), and even after her enucleation Lexie has gone down the back steps into the yard, used the bathroom, and found her way back up the steps without much difficulty, but only a couple of times.  Since her enucleation surgery, she just does not want to come out onto the back deck, let alone find her way down the steps to the yard.  I just don't get it!

The only way we've been able to get Lexie to use the bathroom since she's come home from MedVet is to put on her harness and walk her out to the grassy median in front of the house.  For some reason, she has no problem manipulating the two sets of steps leading from our front door and down to the walkway, so I'm totally puzzled about why she won't do the same for the steps in the back yard.


Anyway, Justin and I had the best, laziest Saturday with our Lou.  She spent most of the day zonked out due to her pain medication, but during the times she was awake she was all smiles.

All day yesterday, Justin and I tried to get Lexie to get up on the couch with us, which has always been her favorite place to sleep and cuddle.  However, she just seemed too nervous to try.  This morning, however, I came downstairs and found her sound asleep on the couch.  Her E-collars were on the floor, so I checked her stitches immediately and was relieved to find them perfectly intact.  Then, after replacing her hard E-collar, I proceeded to cuddle her like crazy on the couch for the next three hours.

While we were cuddling, the "old Lou" made her first appearance since before her surgeries.  One of the reasons why Lexie earned her reputation as being "our little turd" is because of how demanding she can be when it comes to receiving cuddles and attention.  As you can see in the following video, if I stopped petting her for more than a few seconds, she'd start groaning in protest:



By the way, I realize that some people may find Lexie's incisions a little hard to look at, but, if it makes you feel any better, her incisions look really good, especially compared to after her last surgery.  Here is a side-by-side comparison:

So, I guess that's the update for now.  She's happy and her wounds all look good, but we haven't made a ton of forward progress yet in terms of her adjustment to blindness.  It's only been two days, though.  I can tell you this much:  it's going to be SO HARD for me to leave Lexie and go to work tomorrow.  I'm probably going to worry about her all day, but at least Justin always comes home for lunch and he can check on her for me.

Lexie's Second Homecoming

Lexie was SO happy to be going home last night!  As you can hear in the video, though, I was a little disappointed when they brought her out without a hard E-collar.  The inflatable one she's wearing belongs to me, but it doesn't protect her from bumping her face when she bumps into things.  However, when I asked (once again) if I could have a hard E-collar to take home, the vet tech told me that the inflatable one should be enough to protect Lexie's stitches.  I was too excited about taking Lexie home to insist or argue about it, so I didn't push the issue.  After all, I own a hard E-collar that she could wear that night, and I could always go to Dr. Ellis at Animal Care Clinic if the collar I have doesn't work out for her.

I couldn't see her repaired incisions because her head was already wrapped with bandages, but at first glance it didn't look like her wounds were oozing half as much as they were the last time I picked her up after her second surgery.  Lexie also looked like she had had a tummy tuck!  After her emergency C-section due to pyometra last summer, Lexie was left with a saggy, flabby belly.  It didn't bother me, but people would sometimes ask me if Lou had just had a litter of puppies.  Haha!  "Nope.  She's just fat."  Anyway, I'm just saying that having a mastectomy has left Lexie looking very svelte.  

As we left MedVet (hopefully for the last time), Lexie was so excited that she was swinging her head from side to side while she walked, like a little Lexie Wonder!  When I opened the car door, she recognized that sound right away and knew exactly how to climb up into the back seat all by herself.  I had her new doggy bed laying in the middle of the back seat, and she plopped right down on top of it.  I climbed into the back seat and sat behind her, but that wasn't good enough for me.  I wanted to cuddle her little face!  So, I maneuvered my way down to the other end of the back seat where Lexie's head was laying, and as soon as I sat down by her face, Lexie immediately laid her head and put her paws in my lap.  It was a total "awwwww" moment.  Then, after we got back on the road, I noticed she was shivering a little bit because the air conditioning was blowing on her.  Luckily, I had brought her favorite comforter, and so Lexie and I snuggled under the blankets during the entire three-hour ride back to West Virginia.

Once we were home, Lexie knew EXACTLY where she was, and she was so happy!  I decided to take her out to the back yard with her sisters before taking off her harness, just in case I needed to help her find her way up and down the deck steps and the back yard.  She did really well, though!  She was a tad apprehensive about going down the steps, but as soon as she found the yard she peed immediately, and then successfully made her way back up the steps and into the house without much difficulty.

When I removed Lexie's bandages, I did notice some blood (or "bloody fluid," I should say), but not nearly as much as after her last surgery.  In fact, her incisions look pretty good!  There's some swelling above her right eye, and that right incision still oozes a lot more than the left, but I think that may have something to do with the fact that her right eye has the vertical incision.

On a side note, one thing I hadn't really considered while preparing for Lexie's homecoming was the fact that Sam is now going to go through a new adjustment period, too.  This may sound awful, but Sam actually acted a little hurt or upset about Lexie being home again.  To be fair, Sam LOVES attention, but has always been perfectly content to sort of take the back seat to Lexie, who is a little more demanding about receiving attention whenever she wants it, which is just about always.  So, while Lexie was at MedVet over the past couple of weeks, Sam gradually became more and more assertive about receiving attention from me and Justin whenever SHE wanted it.  As soon as Lexie walked through the front door last night, though, it's like someone completely let the air out of Sam's tires.  She kind of curled up in the corner of the couch and pouted while everyone fussed over Lexie (Zach and Kristy came over to welcome Lexie home, too).

I do feel bad that Sam's not receiving as much one-on-one attention now that Lexie is home, but unfortunately it can't really be helped right now.  Lexie is going to need extra attention as she heals and learns how to safely navigate around the house and back yard.  Justin and I are trying to be as mindful as possible of Sam's feelings and give her extra cuddles whenever we can, but I think it's going to be a bit of a delicate juggling act with those two for a while.  (Jocie, by the way, hasn't been affected at all by anything that's been going on, but that's just Jocie.)

Anyway, after watching Lexie bump her face on a couple different things in the house, I decided to fasten the hard E-collar I had over top of the inflatable E-collar she was already wearing.  (That way, she can't pull the hard E-collar off.)  At first, Justin and I felt bad for Lexie because of all the stuff around her poor little head, but once we saw how much better the hard E-collar was protecting her from bumping her face into things, we didn't feel so bad anymore.

Unfortunately, as soon as Justin and I went upstairs to go to bed last night, Lexie managed to pull both the hard and inflatable E-collars off.  Justin discovered this when he ran back downstairs to get something.  So, we decided it might be best to sleep in the same room as Lexie for at least the first night.  Justin slept on the couch, but I chose to sleep on Lexie's new doggy bed in the floor with her (the purple pillow in that photo was mine).  Haha!   It was uncomfortable and blissful all at once, but she barely moved all night long.

When I tried to get Lexie to go out this morning, she acted like she wanted to at first, but as soon as she made it to the back door, she became very apprehensive about going outside.  I tried calling her for a while, but when that didn't work I decided to try leading her out with her harness and leash.  At first, that seemed to be working, but as soon as Lexie reached the steps, she decided she didn't want to go down them.  I told her that was fine, that she didn't HAVE to go pee right now if she wanted to hold it, but when I tried to get her to go back inside, she wouldn't budge.  In fact, I think she was a little disoriented at that point and wasn't really sure which way she was facing.  I jokingly informed Justin that Lexie was "lost on the back deck," but I knew she would figure it out eventually.  She did, but it took a LONG time for her to come back inside.

So, getting Lexie to go out to use the bathroom during the day is apparently still going to be a challenge, but I'm hoping she'll become more comfortable with that routine over time.  For now, she's sleeping a lot, but she's eating and drinking like a champ.  She's also SUPER cuddly, which you'll never hear me complain about.  In fact, as I began typing this blog post, Lexie followed the sound of my typing, found me on the couch, and did this:

:)

Blind Dobe Preparations

I know this is going to shock you guys, but last night Justin and I decided that we'd rather pick Lexie up tonight than wait until Saturday morning because we don't want to spend half the day driving to and from Ohio tomorrow.  We'd rather get home really late with her tonight so that we can have ALL day tomorrow and Sunday to hang out with her at home.  So, I'm going to pick up my Lou tonight!!!!!  

I don't know if you guys remember this commercial, where the kids are so excited about going to Disney World that they're "too excited to sweep":



Well, that was basically me this morning.  My eyes popped open around 5:00 a.m. and all I could think was, "I get to pick up my Lou today!!!"  I then proceeded to surf the Internet on my iPhone while laying in bed for the next hour and a half, Googling things like "blind dog toys" and "helping your blind dog adjust." 

We've actually been preparing for Lexie's new life as a blind dog for several weeks.  My back deck is basically just an elevated, 6-foot wide, wooden platform with two sets of four steps leading down to the back yard, but there were no railings or boundaries along the edges.  When Lexie first lost her vision, she terrified me by falling off the deck not once, but three times!  It's only about 3 feet off the ground, but that's plenty high enough for her to get hurt if she landed the wrong way.  So, building a railing for the deck became my TOP priority.  The problem is that neither I, Justin, nor any of our immediate family members are very handy. 

So, my good friend, Shane, came to the rescue!  With the help of my brother, Zach, and Zach's girlfriend, Kristy, Shane installed a railing along the edge of the deck in no time.


We decided that I should also put up some lattace along the bottom of the deck so that Lexie couldn't get lost underneath, and the steps also needed some sort of railing or boundary so that she couldn't accidentally walk off the sides.  I had gotten so caught up with Lexie's latest emergency, however, that I hadn't gotten around to purchasing the lattace and lumber yet.

Then, just a couple days ago, I came home from work to find that Shane had borrowed my house key from Zach and Kristy (they live right next door) and come over during the day to install railings on the steps and lattace underneath my deck as a surprise!  I'm telling you guys, I have the BEST friends in the ENTIRE word.  You just don't even know...

The other measures I have taken to help Lexie adjust are:

• I bought all three girls new collars with metal ID tags, which jingle a little whenever they move around.  That way, Lexie will always know where her sisters are.
• I bought elevated food bowls for the girls.  I know that it's best to feed larger dogs out of elevated food bowls anyway, but my girls are all kind of lazy and have always preferred to lay down on the floor while they ate.  Lexie was kicking and tripping over the bowls, though, so I figured it was time we got them off the floor. 
• I purchased textured outdoor doormats and placed one at the top step of the back deck and one at the bottom to help Lexie know when she needs to step up and step down.  I blocked the other set of steps off with a baby gate.
• I read online that it is good to help your blind dog establish a "home base" with a doggy bed, so I purchased one last night.  Mind you, I highly doubt Lexie will use it.  We've had doggy beds before, but Jocie was always the only one who seemed to aprpeciate them.  So, I fully expect Jocie to claim the new doggy bed as hers, too, but I thought it would be worth a shot to see if Lexie might use it when she gets home.  I'm going to have the new doggy bed in the back seat when I pick her up tonight, and hopefully she'll lay on it during the ride home.
• I know Lexie probably won't feel like playing much for the first couple weeks that she's back home, but I'm really hoping that once she's healed she'll get some of her spunk back and we can learn some new games to play together.  She loves to play tug with her stuffed animals (after she gets tired of cuddling them), so last night we bought her a Kong Wubba toy that looks like a cross between a teddy bear and an octopus and has a LOUD squeaker inside (Lexie loves to squeak her stuffed animals at us).  I also bought her a Kong ball, which has slits all around it so you can insert treats inside. I'm hoping Lexie will utilize her sense of smell to find the ball when I throw it.  This will be a new game for us, as Lexie has always prefered stuffed animals over rubber toys.  I'm hoping she'll enjoy it, though.

All in all, I feel more than ready for Lexie to come home tonight.  In fact, this is going to be the longest day EVER!!!  Come on 5:00 p.m.!!!!

Surgery #3 Was a Success, But....

The last time I received a "but" after one of Lexie's surgeries, it was, "Lexie's surgery went really well, but we did notice she has developed an infection...."  That infection, of course, turned out to be extensive and actually two different types of bacteria (staph and serratia), which caused Lexie's incision to pull open just approximately 14 hours after she was discharged from MetVet.

Dr. Kennedy called me last night around 9:30 p.m. to tell me that Lexie's surgery to repair the incision and also remove two mammary growths (not just one, as it turned out) went well, "but the anesthesiologist did make a note of some twitching that occurred during anesthesia."  I asked Dr. Kennedy if this is a reason for concern, but he didn't seem too worried about it.  He said he just wanted to mention it simply because the anesthesiologist noted it on Lexie's report, but he didn't think there was any reason to be concerned.  After all Lexie has been through, though, I wouldn't be surprised if she had a grand mal seizure a few hours after I get her home.  (Oh God, I didn't mean that!  *knock on wood!  knock on wood!*)

Anyway, Dr. Kennedy just called me again this morning to give me another update, and apparently Lexie did really well overnight.  He said that there was some swelling, but nothing like she had before.  He also said there was a little oozing from the incisions this morning, but that is to be expected.  I asked him if her eyes were going to ooze bloody fluid non-stop like they did the last time I brought her home, and he said he didn't think it would be as bad this time. 

On a side note, I asked Dr. Kennedy if they had ever received the results of Lexie's Von Willebrand's test (I noticed on her bill from her last surgery that I was charged for that test).  He said he wasn't sure if they had received the results back yet, but that he'd check.  I know that it takes a while for that test to come back, so I'm not going to be upset if they don't have the results yet.  Besides, at this point I'm kind of convinced she doesn't have Von Willebrand's because bleeding wasn't an issue in either of her last two surgeries.  I'm starting to think that Dr. Corbett's theory for why Lexie almost bled to death during her initial enucleation surgery is probably true:  She said that it's possible that all of Lexie's bleeding simply resulted from the fact that the eyes are very vascular organs with lots of veins and blood vessels that have to be surgically cut during an enucleation. 

So, technically, Lexie is allowed to come home tonight, but I told Dr. Kennedy that I would prefer to wait until Saturday to pick her up.  I reminded him that the last time I brought her home the day after her surgery, her stitches burst 11 hours later.  He said he completely understood and thought I was making a wise decision.  I know that leaving her two more nights for observation is definitely a better decision than picking her up this evening, but it's also killing me to know that she could come home tonight.  I want my Lou home with me so badly!!!!  I'm going to be strong, though, and hold off until Saturday morning to go get her, because I know it's for the best.  Well.....maybe tomorrow night.....

Celebrating Red, White, and Lou!

I am so thankful that Justin and I were able to stay home with Lexie today because of the 4th of July holiday.  All of my friends are headed to a big cookout, and I have to admit that I'm starting to feel a little cooped up, but there's no way I'd leave my Lou today.

She's been sleeping most of the day because of her pain medication, but when she's awake she seems happy, despite how awful she looks.  I'm trying to keep her face clean, but it's a losing battle right now.  Her right eye is really worrying me.  I'm not a vet by any means, but it looks to me like she may have busted a stitch or two.  I tried calling MedVet, but they told me the ophthalmology department isn't in today, and Animal Care Clinic is closed today, too (i.e. the one downside to having Lexie's first day home fall on a holiday).  Yesterday, the veterinary ophthalmologist at MedVet told me that it's normal to see some bloody discharge coming from Lexie's eyes over the next several days, but right now it looks like it's just plain blood.  It's not gushing, though, and her incision doesn't look like it's bursting or anything, so I'm hoping to just wait until tomorrow morning to take her to see Dr. Ellis.  If it starts to look worse, I'll take her to the local animal ER tonight.  

The other thing that's worrying me a little is that Lexie hasn't peed all day.  She went out this morning without any problem, but she didn't pee.  For the rest of the day, anytime I've tried to let the girls out Lexie will walk to the back door, but then refuses to come outside.  The last time I tried to get her to go out, just a few minutes ago, she actually started trembling as Justin and I tried to coax her outside.  I'm not sure if it's the temperature that's making her hesitant to go out (it's almost 100-degrees today), or what.  I'm hoping she'll go tonight when it's cooled down.

In the meantime, I've decided to put Lexie's inflatable collar on her to prevent any further damage to her incisions.  (I still cannot believe she was sent home without an E-collar!)  She has been pretty good about leaving her stitches alone, but every now and then I'll catch her rubbing her face on the carpet.  I'm sure those stitches are itchy and uncomfortable, but I'd just rather be safe than sorry.  My poor Lou.  I'll be so glad when she's healed so I can stop worrying!

She's Home!!!

 I don't even know where to begin.  I am so overwhelmed with emotions right now!

First of all, I got the call from Dr. Corbett saying that Lexie could come home around 10:00 a.m., but I had a few reports I needed to get done at work before I could leave.  I was also crossing my fingers that Justin would be able to take off work early, but by 2:00 p.m. he texted to say his chances of leaving early didn't look good, so I decided to go by myself to pick up Lou.  After all, Dr. Corbett had told me that she thought Lexie would be fine riding in the back seat by herself during the trip home.

So, I arrived at MedVet around 6:30 p.m. this evening, and the first thing they wanted to do was settle my bill, the total of which was significantly higher than I had been anticipating (over $3500!).  However, you guys aren't going to believe this:  I learned that not only did Lexie's local vet donate a large sum towards her MedVet bill, in addition to the generous donations I have received through my and Chad Dressen's blogs, an incredibly kind woman from Canada, named Wanda, whom I have never even had the pleasure of meeting before, had also called MedVet and offered to pay the balance!!!!!  

I.  Am.  Speechless.

Stuff like this doesn't happen in real life, does it?!?!?!  It doesn't!  At least, not in MY real life.  I am still in shock.  I just happened to be standing at the front desk when the billing assistant called Miss Wanda to get her credit card information, so I asked if I could speak to her before the billing assistant hung up.  I'm so glad I was able to thank Wanda myself, although she may not have understood me through all the tears.  I am also  hoping that Dr. Ellis is in the office tomorrow so I can thank her, as well.  I mean, seriously?!?!?!  Seeing so much GOOD and kindness in people has truly been the most beautiful, amazing experience of my life.  It has definitely made me want to strive to be a better human being, and I can only hope many other people who have been following our story feel the same way.  You guys have been nothing short of incredible, and I cannot thank you enough.

Speaking of incredible, Lexie is home!!!!!  In fact, she's laying beside me on the floor as I type this blog.  Justin and I are already so impressed with how well she's adjusting, too.  She's actually getting around BETTER than she was right before her bilateral enucleation surgery.  I wonder if maybe she was depending a little too much on being able to distinguish shadows and light, because now it's obvious she's using her senses of hearing and smell a lot more than she was a week ago.  She's also not walking directly into things like she used to.  She ALMOST walks into things, but as soon as her nose gets really close to the wall, chair, door, etc., she kind of pulls back and changes direction.  Since being home, she's already located the food bowls and had some dinner, she drank about a gallon of water after finding her water bowl all by herself, and I even walked into the foyer at one point to find her cleaning Sam's ears!  She is definitely the same ole Lou she was before this whole ordeal began last month, and I can't tell you how happy that makes me.

The one thing that is kind of worrisome is the fact that she's bleeding a lot from her incisions.  The vet tech at MedVet told me that this is normal, and even brought in the ophthalmologist on duty to confirm this for me.  He said that, as long as the fluid coming from Lexie's eyes was just bloody and not actual blood, then it was perfectly fine.  However, since we've gotten home, I swear it looks more like blood and less like bloody fluid coming from her eyes.  She looks just like a crying vampire from True Blood!  I'm applying a cold compress, like the vet at MedVet suggested, but I just really wish her eyes weren't bleeding at all.  It makes me nervous.  In fact, I ended up asking him if they could wrap Lexie's head like it was when I brought her in on Friday, just for the trip home.  Poor little thing.  She looked like I had kidnapped her.

Other than that, though, my Lou is home and is doing so well!!!!!   Yaaaayyy!!!  Her eyes do look a little funny, like Dr. Corbett had warned me, but I can't help but think she looks adorable.  I was afraid she'd look sad all the time without having any eyes, but she really doesn't.  I mean, come on, that smile is pretty undeniable.  :)  She's also been giving the MOST hugs!  In fact, she hasn't really wanted me to leave her side since I picked her up.  During the first few minutes of the drive home, she kept resting her head on the console between the two front seats just so she could be closer to me.  She didn't look comfortable, though, so I pulled over and brought her up front to the passenger seat beside me.  I laid the seat all the way down, then stuffed a big comforter in the floor, just in case she fell forward at some point.  She curled right up into a little ball, though, and slept as I pet her the whole rest of the way home.  

I am just so relieved to have her with me finally.  If her eye incisions keep bleeding like they have been tonight, I'll probably have Dr. Ellis take a look at her ASAP.  So, I'm not 100% comfortable yet, but I definitely feel a LOT better now that she's home.  :)